THE YOU DOCS
New study shows that saying ‘I’m sorry’ might make things worse.
When United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz issued apology after apology for the forcible ejection of Dr. David Dao from a flight he was seated on last April, the repeated mea culpas did nothing to quiet public reaction to the incident. Social media lit up with outrage at the inadequate responses, and millions viewed various videos of the incident on YouTube.
That wouldn’t have surprised researchers who recently published a study in Frontiers in Psychology. They found that apologies are not the most effective way to ease someone’s damaged feelings when you have turned down or rejected them.
The researchers conducted a series of experiments with around 1,000 people. In one scenario, people shown rejection letters found the ones containing apologies to be more hurtful. In another, researchers told people that they were being rejected from a hot-sauce-tasting event, but allowed those barred from the activity to decide how much hot sauce participants had to eat. Those who had received apologies (“I’m sorry, I don’t want to work with you.”) took more revenge on the hot-sauce qualifiers.
So next time you have to reject (or eject) someone romantically, professionally or socially, explain your reasoning and be friendly and polite. Accept responsibility for your action. But don’t say, “I’m sorry.” That will just make the rejection sting more and put you in the hot seat. Save “I’m sorry,” for when you are in the wrong and need to make sincere amends, but don’t ask for forgiveness — that’s not up to you. Then it works wonders.
Another big bang theory
If you think “the big bang theory” is an explanation of how the universe came into being or a nine-time Emmy Award winning comedy starring Kaley Cuoco, Johnny Galecki and Jim Parsons, you’d be right. But there’s another big bang that’s neither theoretical nor amusing. It’s Exploding Head Syndrome, also known as episodic cranial sensory shock, and it’s characterized by a loud bang or crash inside your head that jolts you just before or as you’re falling asleep.
If you’re one of the 10 to 15 percent of the population that’s experienced this eerie phenomena, don’t worry; you’re not losing your mind. Some researchers believe this thunderous noise no one else can hear results from a minor temporal lobe seizure, brain stem dysfunction, a shift in middle-ear components or impaired calcium signaling (a neurotransmitting problem). Others think it’s a malfunction of how the brain shuts down as you enter sleep mode.
In other words, it’s a sleep disorder. The remedy? Do your best to help your body make the transition from wake to sleep slowly, shutting down one system at a time, like your laptop does. Keep digital devices out of your bedroom, and control your heading-tosleep environment: Avoid alcohol and caffeine before turning in; make sure the bedroom is cool and quiet.
If you’re still bothered by EHS, you can consult a neurologist to see if there is any treatable disturbance causing the symptoms. And for more sleep tips go to Sharecare.com orsleepassociation.org.
Q: I took a new job, and now my health insurance plan won’t cover my old pain medication. (I deal with chronic pain after losing a vertebra in a car accident.) But long-acting morphine is covered. I don’t know if I can do my job on that kind of medication, and I really don’t want to face an opioid addiction. What can I do?
Jessica B., Kissimmee, Florida
A: Insurance companies are a bureaucratic nightmare these days, but usually in the end, if you jump through enough hoops and over enough hurdles, you’ll get what you need. It looks like you have to start filing appeals for an exception. Your doctor(s) will have to get involved in the paperwork, too. If the insurance company denies your appeal, keep appealing away. It often takes more than two or three tries.
The New York Times and ProPublica recently did a piece on a situation that’s similar to yours, showing how, in the middle of an opioid crisis, insurance companies are refusing to cover less-addictive pain meds that cost more and are doling out opioids, often with no copay. This will happen as long as insurance companies are shortsighted, for-profit entities.
It would be cheaper in the long run to treat you with better, more-expensive drugs now, because that will help you avoid additional medical visits (even hospital time) and addiction services, which the insurance company will just have to pay for down the road.
But no one ever accused insurance companies of being too smart.
That said, there’s a new chronic pain remedy that was just approved by the Food and Drug Administration that might be a good choice for you. It’s a spinal cord stimulator called Intellis (by Medtronic) that runs off a small implant that a clinician can control from a Samsung Galaxy Tab S2 tablet. It sends an electrical impulse from a lead implanted in the epidural space to block pain signals from going to the brain. So talk to your doc and go see a pain management specialist to check out it and other alternatives. Good luck!