Bachelorette’s love lost, found
First African-American Bachelorette opens up about her experience on the show and life after
The first African-American “Bachelorette,” Rachel Lindsay of Dallas, opens up about her experience on the popular reality show and tells how she found love there after a breakup.
DALLAS — Rachel Lindsay remembers when co-workers at her law firm asked her about auditioning for “The Bachelor” — she started laughing.
“I was like, ‘Everybody knows the black girl doesn’t go far, so why would I do that?’ ” Lindsay says.
Of course, the millions of people who watch “The Bachelor,” and its spinoff, “The Bachelorette,” know what happened after that conversation. Lindsay auditioned and became a “Bachelor” contestant for the 2017 season and the first African-American “Bachelorette” the same year.
But what the fanatics of this orchestrated love story series might not know is that the Texas native didn’t religiously watch the franchise that boasts more than 20 seasons and a legion of obsessed fans who create contestant brackets, attend watch parties and frequently live tweet the show. In fact, Lindsay didn’t watch a full season of the program until two days before she was set to fly to California to film her season of “The Bachelor.”
“And I hated it,” she says during a brisk and sunny Sunday earlier this month, while sitting inside the lobby of her posh Dallas apartment. “I was like, ‘Oh my God, I already signed the contract. I’m stuck.’ ”
Lindsay’s initial distaste for the show would soon soften as she found the love of her life and gained lasting friendships from the show. The 32-year-old was thrust into “The Bachelor” spotlight, and remained there as she progressed, becoming one of the final three women hoping to win the love of Nick Viall.
Again, she didn’t make the final cut. But that allowed her to be a part of something much bigger, as the first minority Bachelorette.
“I think I underestimated how big of a deal it really was. I think I still do sometimes today,” says Lindsay, while her dog Copper laid at her feet nearby. “I didn’t really look at it as history. I just looked at it as it needed to be done and I felt I would do it well. I would represent women, African-Americans well.”
And, she also fell in love, as Lindsay is still happily engaged to Bryan Abasolo, whom she selected as her partner during the show’s
climax. Their marriage is on hold, as they wait to hear if ABC is going to televise it as one of their wedding specials.
“I’ve never been the girl who’s been excited to plan her wedding. That seems like a lot of work for me. I just want to have a good time with family and friends, good music, good food.”
Her father’s son
Years before she became a piece of TV history, Lindsay was a tomboy in Dallas, and sometimes Houston, where her mother’s side of the family still lives.
“I was always roughing it out with the guys, even all the way through high school. I think that’s why I was into sports,” said Lindsay, who ran track during her prep days. “Out of my sisters, I told my Dad that I was the boy, the son he didn’t get.”
Her love for law also began at a young age. She watched the television show “Matlock” avidly and remembers wanting to be just like the main character, a Southernspun lawyer played by Andy Griffith. It didn’t hurt that her father, Sam, came from a legal background and is currently a federal judge in Dallas. But her legal interests began to wane while attending the University of Texas at Austin. She changed her major from government to sports management.
Still, she felt she’d regret it if she didn’t go to law school. So Lindsay earned her law degree from Marquette University, leading to her work at Dallas’ Cooper & Scully, P.C. as an attorney in litigation representing clients involved in personal injury and premise liability.
“I enjoy getting to build up the case, rather than sitting in the office and reading the contract,” Lindsay says. “I’m out in the field. I’m interviewing witnesses. I’m taking depositions. It’s really, really exciting to build your whole case and then if it makes it to trial, that’s game day.”
She tried to leave
On the day of her “Bachelor” audition, Lindsay was called into work. On a Saturday. She left work, for a bit, to attend the audition, wearing flip-flops and just a bit of makeup.
This was after ending a five-year relationship with a Houston man, a man she thought would one day be her husband. And here she was, standing in line to potentially try to win the heart of a man she had never met, while cameras filmed everything.
Lindsay remembers feeling impatient while waiting in line that day. She tried turning in her application and leaving, saying that she needed to get back to work. She was told to wait and that she would be moved to the front of the line. The girl sitting next to her said she was in a “special line.” Soon, she was sitting down for a filmed interview, and later told that she was being sent to California for final interviews. The Texan was floored. “Honestly, there wasn’t a lot of diversity so I think that was one trigger. I wasn’t dressed up like the other girls so I think it was refreshing to see more of a natural look. Then, I tried to leave. I have a feeling that no one leaves, and they don’t leave for work on a Saturday.”
Lindsay’s whirlwind ride to “The Bachelor” would culminate in California after she completed a round of interviews with producers and was told that she was going to be on the next season.
She remembers feeling relieved when producers discussed the lack of diversity on the show. They told her not many people of color audition because they don’t see themselves represented in the show.
“Yeah, it’s a problem, and it’s something we’re struggling with. They said, ‘We don’t get people like you walking in,’ ” Lindsay remembers.
However, as Lindsay came back home to Dallas she still wasn’t sure about how far she would go on the show. She didn’t feel like the girls on previous seasons were anything like her.
Lindsay told her boss at Cooper & Scully, who’s a fan of “The Bachelor,” that she would be back in two to three weeks. It was more like two television seasons.
Her world ended
When Lindsay arrived at “The Bachelor” mansion to compete for the affection of Bachelor Nick Viall, she was terrified. She saw the beautiful girls around her, each vying for Viall in their best outfits, and felt insecure.
The first night, when Viall walked over to hand out the first impression rose, she scooted over, assuming he was going to give it to Astrid, who was sitting next to her and remains one of Lindsay’s close friends.
“Then he calls my name, and I’m like, I’m sorry, what?”
Lindsay barely knew what the first impression rose meant — a franchise staple that signifies you made the best impression on the Bachelor or Bachelorette during the first night in the mansion. But she accepted it, still surprised and not fully understanding the gravity of what just happened. It was the first time an African-American woman had received the first impression rose on the show.
It wasn’t her last surprise during “The Bachelor” experience, she also was taken aback by the real feelings she developed for Viall.
“I was definitely shocked that I liked him and had feelings for him. I wasn’t in love with him.” But, she says, “I felt like I was falling for him, and I could see that in the future.”
He didn’t envision the same scene. Lindsay made it to the final three before Viall sent her home. She was devastated over the breakup and leaving behind the “Bachelor” world.
“Your world ends. Nine weeks of no TV, no contact with your family or friends, no internet, no phone,” she said. “The producers are your parents, your family. This is the only man in your world. The girls are your friends.”
Considering history
When producers approached Lindsay about becoming “The Bachelorette” shortly after she left “The Bachelor,” she wasn’t completely convinced it was a good idea. Her mother urged her not to take the role because of concerns about how Lindsay would be portrayed, but her mind changed when Lindsay explained why she needed to take the gig.
“I thought, ‘You know what, I have to do this because this is bigger than me. This is the opportunity to be the first minority lead,’ ” she said. “This is the opportunity to represent myself in a way where people who look like me, who’ve been watching it for years can see someone that looks like them.”
And when Lindsay was announced as The Bachelorette, it was met with widespread acclaim from fans of the franchise who longed for more diversity on the show. Even now, when she walks her dog in Dallas, she’s taken aback when someone calls out her name.
But during the filming of her season, Lindsay was secretly dealing with the pressure of being the first African-American Bachelorette. She had not disclosed her mixed emotions to anyone, but it all came spilling out during one episode when she discussed the pressure she felt.
“I didn’t feel like anybody could understand me or what I was going through” she says. “I just felt such immense pressure to be perfect for everyone.”
Including the people who control the program.
Lindsay recalls wanting to send home an AfricanAmerican contestant during that episode but was told by people on the show that she could not.
“Some of it, I think, it was because he was black and some of it was because they were like, ‘You’ll actually really like him or he’s got a good story.’ I just lost it.”
Lindsay remembers also disclosing her frustration with the selection of AfricanAmerican contestants.
“I was like, ‘Y’all did a terrible job in casting black men as a whole,’ ” she recalls saying. “‘You’re trying to tell me that I need to keep them. That’s your fault that I don’t like these people. I knew you all were going to do this to me. I knew you would pick black guys I really didn’t care for.’ ”
Ultimately, Lindsay admits that she did like some of the black contestants on the show but fell for and selected Bryan Abasolo, a Latino man, even though she knew she might be judged by the African-American community.
Up until dating Viall during “The Bachelor,” Lindsay said she had only seriously dated black men, but television viewers weren’t aware of that.
“I didn’t want to walk around with a badge saying this is my first time.”
But Lindsay managed to get over her insecurities and realized this was her chance to pick someone who would work best for her, no matter what anyone else thought.
When she decided to choose Abasolo, a 38-yearold chiropractor from Florida, her decision was met with mixed feelings from viewers. Throughout the season, Lindsay’s relationship with Peter Kraus had been spotlighted. Her emotional breakup with him left fans with questions.
“It was hard because I really cared about him and I was grieving a relationship. I was letting it go,” she said about the emotional goodbye between her and Peter. “There were times that I did think that he could’ve been the one. I think it was hard for people to see that. People got caught up in the love story.”
She also felt hurt that some fans thought she only chose Abasolo, over other suitors, because he was sure about marriage. “It was hurtful because you say you know me … but now I’m so weak that I made the biggest decision of my life because I wanted a ring on my finger,” she said. “No, I wanted the perfect person for me, not a ring on my finger.”
Lindsay and Abasolo fought through the negative backlash. Now, they share an apartment together while waiting for their wedding.
“He really is the sweetest, sweetest person I know.”