Talk of remarriage triggers questions about burial plots.
Dear Abby:
My brother-in-law “Charles” has earned the privilege of being buried in a military cemetery. He lost his wife, “Claire,” to cancer 10 years ago; she is buried in their plot in the military cemetery with a headstone. Their children are all adults now.
Charles has been dating a divorcee, “Joyce,” and they are talking about marriage. Joyce feels that for him to be committed to her in marriage, they should have a plot together. It’s our understanding that only one wife is allowed to be buried in the military cemetery. This would mean Claire would have to be exhumed and transferred to another one.
I suggested they get an outside opinion. What have others done in similar situations? Concerned in New Hampshire
Dear Concerned:
There are different types of military cemeteries in this country, 135 of which are maintained by the Department of Veterans Affairs National Cemetery Administration. (None of them are located in your state.) However, there are many state and private military cemeteries nationwide, and their rules may differ from those of the national. The best advice I can offer is to contact it and find out what its rules are in circumstances like this.
Dear Abby:
I tend to be a people pleaser. So when my wife wanted to buy a home for us to raise a family in, I went along with her plan to move to her hometown. I wanted her to be happy, and I was excited about the home-purchasing process.
It’s almost two years later, and I regret it. I’m not happy here. I miss my hometown where all my friends and family live. It’s a beach town, a throwback to a time when everyone knew everyone and you could walk or bike-ride anywhere. To me, it’s the perfect town.
But there is no convincing my wife to try giving my hometown a shot as our full-time residence. Despite knowing we will never be able to own a summer house there, that’s the “dream” my wife sells to me. Should I just accept my fate? Resentful in New York
Dear Resentful:
I am sorry you are unhappy with the decision you made. Your wife may have wanted to move to her hometown because she felt her relatives could help out with your children, which is a plus. However, unless you find the strength to assert yourself, “accepting your fate” is exactly what you may have to do.
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