Discovery of genetic disorder forces confession of affair.
Dear Abby:
I had an affair with a married man that resulted in a pregnancy and then a miscarriage. Pathology testing revealed that the child had a rare genetic disorder inherited on the paternal side. My husband’s genetic test indicated that he was not a carrier. The revelation led to my admission of the affair and our divorce.
I didn’t tell the other man. His wife was unable to have children, so I didn’t think it would impact him. I recently found out he is divorced and remarried to a younger woman. I have no idea whether they plan to have children, but I’m torn about telling him he is a carrier for that life-threatening disorder.
Selfishly, I do not want to reopen this shameful period of my life, but I feel morally obligated to let him know. Should I contact him? — Torn In Mississippi
Dear Torn:
The kind thing to do would be to contact your former lover privately. Then inform him that it could save him and his wife a world of heartache if they have genetic testing done before planning to have a child, and why. Dear Abby: Decades ago, a friend took the time to help me through a severe bout of depression. At the time, I didn’t realize the profound impact she had made. Our lives diverged, and I never heard from her again.
Recently, I finally decided to reach out and thank her, but unfortunately, an online search revealed her 10-year-old obituary. From the notes in the guest book, I discovered she had suffered many personal hardships throughout her adult life, which contributed to her early death.
Because I was not able to help her as she helped me, I want to pass along two important lessons I learned: (1) Thank people and tell them you care before it is too late, and (2) be willing to lend a hand and an ear to someone in need, because you may be that one person who affects their life. She had a saying I would like to share, which has guided my life: “Just open your ‘I’ and LIVE becomes LOVE.” — With Love In Minnesota
Dear With Love:
I’m sorry for the loss of your caring and compassionate friend. I’m glad you took the time to write and share what a meaningful role she had in your life. That she made herself available to listen when you needed it is something more people should do because we live in a stressful society in which many individuals feel lost and alone. And I love her “motto”!