Even after sex abuse, ‘happiness does exist’
Smart’s book tour stop in Sugar Land offers hope to trauma survivors
A day before Sydney Whigam was due in court to face the man she says sexually assaulted her, she met the woman who helped her find hope in the wake of trauma.
As she navigated recovery, Whigam said a friend sent her a link to a video of a speech by Elizabeth Smart, who was kidnapped in 2002 at 14 from her Utah home. She was held captive for nine months and repeatedly sexually abused. As an adult, Smart has become an advocate for survivors of sexual violence.
“I really struggled with finding joy and trying to figure out how I was going to get past this,” Whigam said.
That struggle is what Smart discussed in the video. She also wrote about overcoming it in her 2018 book, “Where There’s Hope: Healing, Moving Forward,
and Never Giving Up.” As part of a national tour, Smart on Thursday again talked about her journey finding peace.
“Every single one of us has experienced trauma. And honestly, we’ll probably experience it again,” Smart said before speaking at an event organized by the Fort Bend Women’s Center at the Houston Marriott in Sugar Land. “But I want them to know that happiness does exist. Joy does exist. Even if we don’t feel happy right now, just believe in that and work every day believing that it is possible for you. You will achieve it if you hold on to it long enough.”
Smart said she began speaking about her kidnapping because she wanted to tell her story on her terms. During the trial of her abusers in 2009, Smart said the details were laid out without any emotional context.
“Right now, it’s coming out
as a list of facts,” she said. “Nobody knows what it was like, how I felt.”
After she testified, Smart said many other victims reached out to her to say they had similar experiences.
“I started to realize that what happened to me is not so uncommon,” she said. “With all this attention that I had, I realized that I had an opportunity to really do something good.”
Smart said the notoriety of her case has given her a spotlight to shine on issues and stigmas all survivors face, like why many victims don’t immediately report their abuse.
The question Smart said what she’s asked the most about her kidnapping is why she didn’t do more to try to escape or get help.
“My answer is the same any victim would give,” she said. “An abuser’s control over a victim is so strong. The mental and emotional chains were the strongest.”
When Smart saw helicopters flying over the campsite she was trapped in, she said her abusers told her they would kill anyone who came to save her and it would be her fault they died. They threatened to kill her family, too, she said.
“They knew how to feed on vulnerability and manipulate people,” said Smart. “It seemed like no one could stop them.”
No survivor should feel they are responsible for not preventing their own abuse, Smart said.
“No one should ever feel like it’s their fault because they didn’t fight back enough, because they didn’t scream loud enough, or maybe they just froze and couldn’t do anything,” she said. “It’s never their fault.”
The two-time author said she was humbled by the strength of the women she met at the Fort Bend Women’s Center shelter on Wednesday night.
“They were abused by people who were supposed to love and protect them,” she said. “I was hurt by complete strangers.”
In her case, Smart said, her family’s support gave her the strength to keep living.
“For me, I know how instrumental my family has been ... in my healing, and every survivor deserves that support,” said Smart. “Without it, I feel like it’s almost impossible to move on. We all need that support. We all need that community around us.”
Organizations like the Women’s Center create that community for survivors, Smart said.
Many who came to hear Smart speak were invested in fostering a community that supports survivors and prevents abuse.
Monica Nolan-Salazar, a medical provider who lives in Richmond, said Smart underscored the importance of listening to victims and giving them time to report when they are ready.
“There may be people sitting in the room right now going through something like this,” Nolan-Salazar said. “We need to keep asking women, men, children, ‘Are you safe?’ Maybe that 10th time, they’ll come forward.”
Emily Hendrix came to the event with a group of friends, some of whom brought their daughters. Hendrix said they wanted their daughters to hear Smart’s story so they can be prepared.
Because Smart stands up for all victims, the woman is Whigam’s hero. Meeting the person who has had the most impact on her life the day before she was to face the man she says assaulted her was powerful, said Whigam.
“The fact that this was today and I got to meet her today … it’s hard to put into words,” Whigam said.
Seeing Smart thrive after her rescue has helped Whigam feel like she also will find a way to move on.
“What happened to me wasn’t OK,” she said. “But if I could just make a difference for one person, it would be worth it. She made that difference for me, and I hope I can pay it forward to someone else one day.”