FEELING MATERS
The nagging way we stunt our growth, flow.
There’s a natural intelligence and flow to life — and we have a super pesky way of blocking it.
I love the way Marianne Williamson describes this: “Embryos turn into babies; buds turn into blossoms; acorns turn into oak trees. The same programming that exists in them exists in each of us — to manifest our highest potential. What is the difference between those things and us? That we can say no …”
Sometimes we literally say “no.” Opportunities arise and we turn away. But more often, this is subtle and unconscious. I notice it mostly as longing for things to be different than they are. Resolutely saying, “no, not this!” when faced with things we don’t like.
I had a poignant experience of this during a breakup in my late 20s. I desperately wanted the relationship to work. I was committed. He was not.
I remember waking up in a wave of dread one night after we’d parted ways: The sense of “no, no, no” that set in, my body tightening as I tried to fight the situation both mentally and physically.
Thankfully, by this point, I’d begun practicing yoga and learned about mindfulness. I took a deep breath, relaxed my body and stopped physically and mentally bracing myself. I surrendered.
Instead of fighting, tightening, and grasping, I softened and let go. It was a surreal and powerful experience. I felt a visceral contrast between resisting and allowing. It was uncomfortable, and I remember getting really hot … but that’s it. Next thing I knew, it was morning.
I easily could have stayed up all night, entangled in my sorrow and resistance. Instead, I experimented with dropping my armor. I didn’t suddenly accept and celebrate being dumped. I just stopped explicitly and intrinsically saying “no.” It was a huge breakthrough. I learned I’d heal faster and suffer less if I stopped resisting.
Of course, we don’t have to enthusiastically say “yes!” to situations that stink. But if we can at least move away from “no,” we’ll move forward, toward opportunity and potential. It takes breathing deeply, physically softening and being willing to release fierce longings when they differ from reality.
In my experience, little moments of allowing — those occasional mindful pauses — add up and can transform. Sometimes even overnight.