DEAR ABBY
Dear Abby:
My husband and I are both enlisted Army (he — 20 years, two Iraq deployments; I — 15 years, one Iraq deployment). We met in the service and have been married for 10 years.
Three years after our wedding, my husband told me he was no longer physically attracted to me. It hurt. A lot.
It has been seven years since that day, and we’re still together. I don’t feel loved, appreciated or valued. I’m a logicdriven person. Emotions don’t come easy for me. I have always been open about my thoughts and feelings, even the painful ones.
Since that day, I resent him, and I have told him such. Must I appreciate the friendship we have, or is it time to push for a meet-in-the-middle resolution?
— Unappreciated in Pennsylvania
Dear Unappreciated:
That you would feel resentment after what your husband told you is normal.
Your self-esteem may be below ground level, but you have a right to be able to feel loved, appreciated and valued. Since you are receiving none of those, there is no “meeting in the middle.” Where you need to meet is a lawyer’s office so you can officially end a marriage that died seven years ago.
Dear Abby:
My dad has never been great at communicating. I’m the only one who seems to communicate with him, even though I’m across the country. Over the last few years, until recently, his new wife, “Dorie,” helped to bridge the gap. I loved having Dad around even if it was second hand from her.
When my aunt, his sister, died suddenly, somehow I was appointed to write the obituary. Having never written one, I inadvertently omitted Dorie’s name in the article. She became enraged and defensive. Now communication with Dad is as strained as it was before. I think she screens and answers his messages, so I’m unsure if it’s him replying.
Dad was sick recently, and she didn’t bother to tell me. I learned about it through Facebook. I have already apologized and explained it was a mistake. I want a relationship with my dad. Should I apologize again?
— Frustrated Daughter in the West
Dear Daughter:
Yes. Apologize for reacting the way you did after the obituary “disaster.” Dorie’s feelings were already hurt because of your omission. If you can, smooth over what happened. However, recognize that your relationship with your father didn’t make him a better communicator.