How to be an ally for transgender people
I discovered what it meant to be an ally to the transgender community when my son came out to me. However, I would say that my journey really began when he asked me if I would provide medical care to his friends who were transgender men who didn’t want to be outed by sitting in an obstetrics and gynecology waiting room.
It was then that I began offering a “Saturday Guys’ Clinic” once a month with my longtime office nurse, Lynette. She taught them to do their injections and helped provide health care information pertinent to men of the transgender experience. I found caring for these gentlemen extremely rewarding. As my son says, “they are the most grateful patients you’ll ever see.” All these men ask is that we use their correct name and pronouns, be kind and treat them with the dignity they deserve.
To be a cisgender ally — “cisgender” meaning that I identify with the gender I was assigned at birth — is important, and not at all difficult. Here are the basics to being a good ally:
Pronouns are important. In my experience treating, properly used pronouns can be a source of comfort; used incorrectly, they can cause great pain. You can ensure that you’re creating a welcoming environment by offering your pronouns when introducing yourself. For example, “Hi, I’m Dr. St. Amand and my pronouns are she and her.” This encourages the other person to do the same. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and try again; this lets the person you’re speaking with know you care. Other steps you can take could be adding your pronouns to your email signature, your social media bios, or your name on Zoom.
Center voices of transgender people. When it comes to issues that affect the transgender community, nobody knows them better than the people affected by them. If you listen, you will learn — and this is the time to listen actively. To be an ally requires us to be educated on important issues affecting the community and to work toward making necessary changes.
Know that gender is a spectrum, and unrelated to sexuality. The term “transgender” is relatively new, but people who identify as what we today call transgender have been around forever, and within cultures across the globe. Some folks identify as female, some male and some identify as agender, nonbinary, or another gender — and these are all valid.
This conversation may be new to you, and perhaps you don’t yet understand it. But even if you don’t understand someone’s identity, that doesn’t mean you can’t respect it.
Additionally, someone’s gender identity does not tell you their sexual orientation.
Gender identity refers to who they are, whereas sexual orientation refers to who they are attracted to. A transgender man who is attracted to men might identify as gay because he’s a man attracted to men, whereas a transgender female attracted to men might identify as straight because she’s a woman attracted to men, etc.
To simplify this, “Your identity is based on who you go to bed as; your orientation is based on who you go to bed with.” Be careful about making assumptions.
Use gender inclusive language. Hey y’all, Texas has long been at the forefront of gender-inclusive language. No, really — when addressing a group, consider using gender-inclusive language like “y’all” (or “you all”), “everyone,” or perhaps “distinguished guests,” should you be hosting a nice get together. This is of course in place of gendered language like “hey guys/ladies/ girls/boys,” etc. We don’t know how everyone identifies, and letting the community know that you take that into consideration is one simple way to make space for everyone.
The old adage “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” may not always hold true, so please be considerate with what you say. “I never would have guessed you’re transgender!” is not the compliment that you might think it is. Other backhanded compliments or topics to avoid might be:
• “I could tell you are transgender because of ___.”
• “You’re too pretty/handsome to have ever been a man/woman.”
• “Are you going to have the surgery?”
• “Be thankful you don’t have periods.”
• “It’s so cool to have a transgender friend.”
Reducing a transgender person’s identity to their transition — or decision not to — is dehumanizing and offensive, and frankly is none of your business. Not all transgender folks have surgery. Being transgender is about being seen as who you are and surgery is not a requirement. Do not ever “out” a transgender person without their permission as this could be life threatening.
Finally, use your own voice to speak for those who are not heard. Work toward policy changes to make the world safer for everyone including transgender folk. Volunteer with an LGBTQ+ advocacy group. Invite transgender folk to speak to your organization. Be active in stopping verbal harassment. This is not comprehensive, but it is a step in the right direction.
Amand is a physician and OB/GYN at Legacy Community Health’s Central Beaumont clinic and an ally to the transgender community. She has been a practicing OB-GYN in Beaumont for 36 years. She has been caring for transgender patients in her practice for over a decade.