DEAR ABBY
Dear Abby:
My daughter got married in a friend’s backyard three months ago. Her husband built an arch for the ceremony. He spent $285 on some very nice walnut, and they planned to keep it forever.
With my daughter’s consent, my wife loaned it to a niece of hers. The arch was broken and thrown out. We found this out only after weeks of requesting that we get it back. They have offered to pay the $285, but without even a “sorry.”
My daughter is extremely angry at my wife and the niece and her husband. This has caused a deep emotional schism in our family.
— Wedding Mess in Arizona
Dear Mess:
It is time to talk to your daughter about priorities. Because of her deep emotional attachment to the arch her now-husband created for their wedding, her anger and hurt are justifiable.
That the niece and her husband not only damaged it but threw it away like a piece of garbage was terrible. That they not only didn’t apologize, but also failed to recognize the sentimental value of the arch is shocking.
It takes strength of character to forgive. In the uncertain times we are experiencing, relationships and family unity are primary.
Dear Abby:
At the end of last year, I sat down with my parents hoping that maybe we could approach the new year with a fresh start. One short month into the new year, my mother is back at it again, ridiculing me and making me feel like no matter what I do, it will never be good enough for her.
I have reached the end of my rope. I’m tired of dealing with the constant cycle of emotional abuse. I have overcome much in my life, and I’m proud of myself for it. During times when I struggle, I reflect on how much. I keep pushing myself forward, but at this point, I’m just tired.
I have considered distancing myself, but the recent loss of my grandfather hit me hard.
— Hurt, Stunned and Tired in New York
Dear H.S.T:
You may never be able to have what you want from your mother, not because there is something wrong with you, but because she has proven herself incapable of being supportive.
For understanding and the emotional support you are seeking, consider contacting your clergyperson (if you have one) or the officiant at your grandfather’s funeral and asking about joining a grief support group.