DEAR ABBY
Dear Abby:
When I stopped by my brother’s house a couple of weeks ago, he mentioned that his 9-year-old son was grounded in his bedroom.
He was being punished for snooping in his dad’s vintage collection of porn.
At first I was upset with my brother and his wife, because it was their fault that the boy had access to it, and boys are naturally curious. But when I found out what his punishment was, I became enraged. Their “brilliant” idea was to make my nephew disgusted with porn by forcing him to look at the entire collection for three hours instead of playing outside.
Maybe this tactic works for cigarette smoking or chewing tobacco, but this seemed very wrong. I was so appalled, I overstepped; I went straight into my nephew’s room and told him he was allowed to go outside and play. Abby, what do you think? Am I being ridiculous? What should I have done?
— Appalled in Ohio
Dear Appalled:
The child’s punishment was extreme and inappropriate. What you SHOULD have done was point out to your brother and sister-in-law that their punishment may have been counterproductive. Rather than working as aversion therapy, it could result in whetting their son’s appetite for more. You might also have suggested they consult a child psychologist for suggestions on how to deal with their son’s budding sexual curiosity, which is entirely normal, and urged that from now on they keep their collection under lock and key.
Dear Abby:
I recently met a very nice woman online. During our first phone call, she told me about an injury she received a few months ago that has left her with a disability. I’m not bothered by it, and I’d like to get to know her better.
From the way she responded to a few things, I got the impression that she is still coming to terms with what has happened, as anyone would be. I have no experience with a situation like this, and I have no idea if, from the perspective of dating, it is the right thing to engage someone who is going through this. Any thoughts?
— Tentative in Indiana
Dear Tentative:
Yes, it’s the right thing — but only if you can be supportive and patient during what has to be an extremely emotionally disruptive time in this woman’s life. I am sure she could use a supportive male friend right now, as long as you two can continue to have an open and honest dialogue with each other.