Thumbs: Patrick vs LGBTQ+

Thumbs down: In the political peeing contest between Florida Gov. Rick DeSantis and the equally mature Republicans of Texas, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick is taking aim at a favorite target: LGBTQ children. Patrick, who has previously attempted to ostracize transgender youths who play sports, trans adults who use public restrooms and parents who seek gender-affirming care for their trans children, broadened his assault this week, announcing he’ll seek a Florida-style “Don’t Say Gay” law in Texas. “I will make this law a top priority in the next session,” Patrick, a former shock jock, said in a campaign email. Florida’s law blocking lessons about sexual orientation and gender identity to public school students younger than fourth grade has already drawn litigation from groups that say it marginalizes gay people and violates constitutional rights of free speech, equal protection and due process. But apparently what really matters is that the popular and corporate backlash against Florida’s bill offends Patrick’s sensibilities. “I AM DONE WITH DISNEY!” Patrick declared after the company vowed to help repeal the law. Ah, we can hear Patrick now: “Do you want to build a straw-man?” Hell, no. As for the castigated Disney executives, we’re sure they’re coping well, having just “let it go” or merely resolved “we don’t talk about Bruno.” Alas, we Texans don’t have that luxury.

Thumbs up: While Patrick declares gay people the enemy, Texas’ largest school district is singing “You’ve Got a Friend in Me.” From 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Saturday, Houston ISD will host its first-ever districtwide summit for LGBTQ+ students and their parents, caregivers and peers, grades six to 12. “HISD is committed to creating ‘brave spaces’ where students and the adults who care about them can learn about the world around them and all those in it,” Superintendent Millard House II said in a press release. Can’t you feel the love tonight?

Thumbs twiddling: The best advice we never took was to not live with an old high school friend in college. Lax boundaries can spell trouble for odd couples balancing one roomie’s messiness with the other’s psychopathic orderliness. Now it appears UT-Austin will give students the option of committing another tragic blunder in their teen years before the brain is fully formed: living with a boyfriend or girlfriend. The UT pilot program does have great intentions and has been celebrated by transgender activists who have been seeking fair housing accommodations for years. On that front, it’s welcome news that UT will finally join a host of other campuses across Texas and the nation that allow gender-inclusive housing. Maybe it’s just UT’s unique name for the program — “Family and Friend Expanded Roommate Option” — that got us reliving bad undergrad choices. In any case, let us warn the young love birds of every gender and sexual identity, it’s best to leave this new housing opportunity to the folks it was intended to accommodate, which probably doesn’t include high school sweethearts, hopelessly in love, prone to codependence, unconcerned with boundaries and personal space, and 110 percent certain that they’ll get married and live happily ever after. Yeah, till claustrophobic dorm life do you part.

Thumbs down: On the subject of bad choices, we return to the Astros. Houston’s home team opened its season this week armed with boundless optimism that This Could Be The Year … when everyone finally stops talking about trash cans and cheating. Alas, Carlos Beltran, the ex-Astro and ringleader of the electronic sign-stealing, dredged up the scandal this week in an interview, deflecting blame like a teenager caught egging the neighbor’s house. “Nobody said anything to us, you know, nobody said anything,” Beltran said. “I wish somebody would’ve said something. A lot of people always ask me why you didn’t stop it? And my answer is, I didn’t stop it the same way no one stopped it.” Wethinks Carlos doth protest too much.

Thumbs up: Nothing can take away true loyalty, though, not from a diehard Astros fan, and not from a valiant German shepherd making his bones as Man’s Best Friend. Earlier this week, Houston police Sgt. Ricardo Salas responded to 911 calls about a child walking along train tracks near Cavalcade with a dog in tow. When Salas found 5-year-old Jose, he says he could tell the boy had Down syndrome and seemed to be wandering, albeit under the supervision of a protective canine who wouldn’t leave his side. Salas said when he put the boy in his patrol car to cool off in the AC, the dog jumped onto the driver’s seat to be with him. The dog even declined an offer of food, his eyes transfixed on the boy. Soon, Jose’s family called 911 and officials learned the boy had wandered out of the house while his mom napped. She identified the dog, Alejandro, as the family pet but expressed surprise at the canine’s protective behavior, in part because Jose was always pulling his tail and poking his eyes. But we suppose true heroes cast such petty grievances aside in moments of need. “There’s no doubt in my mind,” Salas said, “that if a train would have been coming and the child would have been on the tracks, that dog would have saved him by pulling him away from danger.” Atta boy, Alejandro!