Thumbs: Musk makes a lousy lover
Elon Musk is two-timing Texas and only two years into the relationship. When the founder of Tesla announced in 2021 that he was dumping California for Texas and moving his headquarters to Austin, Gov. Greg Abbott crowed that “the Lone Star State is the land of opportunity and innovation.” Why shouldn’t our governor brag when the one-time richest person on Earth puts a Texas-shaped ring on it? In the battle between the biggest red and blue states, there couldn’t have been a bigger prize than Tesla. At the time, critics of Texas’ abortion ban said it would drive away employers. Abbott pointed to his new boo: “Elon consistently tells me that he likes the social policies of Texas.” Musk, though, blamed the Golden State for the breakup, criticizing “overregulation, overlitigation, overtaxation.” California is no doubt a high-maintenance sweetheart. But it didn’t take long for Musk to prove a lousy partner for Texas. This week, he announced a new engineering headquarters in Palo Alto and openly flaunted his renewed romance with California Gov. Gavin Newson, telling CNBC that Tesla is “a California-Texas company.” Sweet land of bigamy! Are Texans and Californians one big blended family now? How many weekends with Musk do we get? Will Texans be left to pick up after the playboy as he jets off to the West Coast? Folks in Boca Chica are tripping over pieces of the Chief Twit’s big exploded rocket ships along their once quiet beaches. The hardest part about seeing the battery-packing space cowboy ask Texans and Californians to share a bed is that we still can’t help but feel awe for the cars and starships he’s building here.
Speaking of strange bedfellows, some after-hours tweets sealed up support for new legislation that would end taxes on diapers in Texas. Austin Democrat Rep. Donna Howard, known for her years-long effort to ban tampon taxes, and Frisco Republican Rep. Jared Patterson, known for wanting to dissolve the city of Austin, exchanged nocturnal missives about the diaper bill. When Howard retweeted a call to action on nappy taxes from the Austin Diaper Bank, Patterson replied, “Diapers should be tax free. Who has the bill? I’m on board.” Howard replied that she “would welcome you as joint author!” Patterson shot back, “Catch me tomorrow on the floor!” By Thursday, House Speaker Dade Phelan placed the legislation in his list of priorities that includes bills that expand Medicaid for new mothers to one year, Howard’s tampon tax ban, cracking down on how private companies collect data and protecting children from addictive algorithms. It’s not clear whether any of
Twitter’s addictive algorithms kept the politicians commenting into the night and played a role in this moment of unity. If Musk weren’t so busy in Palo Alto, we’d ask him.
To Andrew Lacrosse and the rest of the traveling team of handlers who helped save a collapsed Clydesdale at the San Antonio Stock Show and Rodeo: This Bud’s for you. A viral video watched by millions shows a hushed crowd in the minutes after the lead horses pulling the Budweiser’s signature red wagon suddenly doubled back, entangling the team and forcing one of the majestic Clydesdales to the ground. “Uh oh, that’s not supposed to happen,” an apparent onlooker’s voice says. Lacrosse, the wagon’s shotgun driver, immediately leapt down and set to calming the horses and trying to untangle them as others rushed to help. Announcers kept talking through the awkward silence as the audience eagerly watched to see the fallen horse attempt to stand, only to fall back down, and then finally stand up, and walk seemingly uninjured out of the arena as the crowd erupted in cheers. If wishes were horses, they’d have never been in such a predicament. Nevertheless, the happy ending deserves a toast. Whiskey for the men, and beer for the horses!