Thumbs: Squirrel hot yoga, HISD oopsies
Uncle Joe called it in February in his State of the Union speech. Singing the praises of a new law to pay for bridges, railroads and other infrastructure across America, President Biden told his Republican friends who voted against it not to worry: “We’ll fund your projects. And I’ll see you at the groundbreaking.” Texas Sen. John Cornyn apparently took that to heart. This week the Republican tweeted out a Texas Tribune story on Biden’s announcement that Texas will get $3.3 billion — the most of any state — to help expand broadband access statewide, benefiting nearly 2.8 million Texans. “Another convert!” a White House official tweeted in one of 12,000 responses to Cornyn. Others were less polite, branding Cornyn a hypocrite for celebrating investments he voted against. “You bet I did,” Cornyn responded, defending his vote, saying he opposed growing the debt and spending that he believed fueled inflation. “Broadband is important,” he wrote, “but you don’t solve one problem by creating two more. There is a better way.” Funny he didn’t feel so principled when President Trump got all spendy. But anyway, see you at the ribbon-cutting, Senator!
You didn’t really think J.J. Watt was going to spend his retirement pub-crawling across Lancashire and rooting for his soccer team, did you? You can take the man off the gridiron but you can’t take the gridiron away from…anyway, you get the point. The former Texans stalwart announced via Twitter this week that he signed a multiyear deal with CBS Sports to serve as a studio analyst for the network’s NFL GameDay coverage. While there is a long list of former athletes who are less than impressive on TV — *cough* Tony Romo *cough* — we don’t think the charismatic, intelligent Watt will have that problem. If anything, we worry about him not having enough air time as the seventh man on an already crowded CBS studio panel. We know some Texans fans still clamor for Watt to give it one last go on the field, but we can’t blame the man for giving his body a well-deserved rest. We look forward to welcoming him back in Houston in October when he goes into the Texans’ Ring of Honor.
Think you’re hot during this heat wave? Imagine being possessed of a thick coat of fur and hair-trigger reflexes that keep you forever jerking at the slightest provocation, swinging from tree branches in search of sustenance and sprinting for your life to dodge steely roadway predators. That’s the life of the squirrel, a rodent so adorable we don’t even like to acknowledge its membership in the order Rodentia. A rodent so adorable that they get even cuter in insufferable heat and humidity that leave the rest of us a mopping mess. How? One word: Splooting. Videos of the squirrel survival yoga were making the rounds on social media, including a posting from Texas Parks and Wildlife. They depicted squirrels lying spreadeagle against a shaded concrete floor or a wood deck — anything that feels cooler than their baking little bodies. Their tummies have less fur and more blood vessels, so the practice provides quick relief. Not to mention comic relief for us humans procrasti-scrolling at work before a holiday weekend. HISD's state-appointed regime has been busy this week. Meeting with community members. Holding job fairs. Firing people accidentally. That’s what happened Monday when an untold number of district employees got a pink slip via email. No, not because Superintendent Mike Miles is the heartless tyrant some want to believe he is. But because somebody goofed. Really bad. The district cited “system failures” for the mistake. But we’ve heard that before, right? Wasn’t it “system failures” that triggered the state takeover in the first place and led to the switch in HISD leadership? Education system, email system ... does anything work as it should over there? A district representative quickly reassured KHOU-TV, saying they were working to figure out what went wrong and how to prevent the wave of panic that no doubt set in as teachers on summer break scrolled through their inboxes. We were curious. “Here's what I know,” the superintendent told us Wednesday, “it was a technical glitch of some sort.” Some 1,200 people received the email. Miles said he found out later. We wondered if something more sinister could be afoot. A disgruntled employee, perhaps? A protest from the inside? Sabotage? “Of course not,” Miles said with a chuckle. That’s one less thing to have to worry about.