Thumbs: Hindsight prevails in Katy

Please excuse the Sir Mix-A-Lot reference, which some of the morally superior folks on the Katy ISD school board may find objectionable, but the news this week that books featuring bare bottoms are being restored to KISD library shelves makes us want to shout: Babies got … their butt books back! Whatever the reason that titles by Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle were removed in the first place, we ain’t down with that. The cartoon bum of the kid featured skedaddling down the street in the beloved book “No, David!” never offended anybody except his exasperated mother, who’s probably still calling him back into the house to finish his bath. Even Katy ISD board president Victor Perez — or as we like to call him, Sir Nix-A-Lot for all the books he’s targeted in his quest against “critical race theory” and LGBTQ+ characters — voted this week to clarify that the district’s ban on nudity in books applies only to “explicit frontal nudity.” He said the board’s intent was never to remove “well-known, cartoon-like children’s books just because they showed a little drawing of a little boy’s rear end.” That should be obvious. But librarians these days forced to implement such book-banning policies aren’t free to use their common sense now that politics is calling the shots.

Mystery solved. We think we found out this week why Attorney General Ken Paxton’s highpowered trial lawyer Tony Buzbee appeared so tan — some said tangerine — on the livestream video of Paxton’s Senate impeachment trial: it musta been the hue of shoe-leather campaigning! Buzbee, who is running for a District G City Council seat, met with the editorial board this week for a candidate screening alongside incumbent Mary Nan Huffman. Buzbee insisted that he hadn’t used tan spray and had never even set foot in a tanning booth. He also insisted that the high-stakes trial in Austin, from which he and Paxton emerged victorious, didn’t stop him from dutifully campaigning in his upscale Houston neighborhood on the weekends. He told us he block walked until he could barely stand — and we can only surmise, until he built up that sun-kissed glow. How to describe it? “Burnt Orange” wouldn’t do for a true maroon Aggie. How about: “Block Walk Bronze.” The ever-enterprising Buzbee, who also launched a THC-infused seltzer amid the trial, should bottle the shade. He’d making a killing — just like we assume he did in successfully defending Paxton, the darling of far-right billionaires suspected of bankrolling his defense.

Is the robot apocalypse finally upon us? Axios reports that several unoccupied self-driving vehicles blocked traffic Tuesday around 8 p.m. at the intersection of Montrose and Hawthorne when a traffic light malfunctioned. Police tried tapping on the windows but got no response. The autonomous cars belong to Cruise, a General Motors-owned company which has gained notoriety after its cars in other cities have gotten stuck in newly poured concrete, collided with a fire truck and stalled in traffic when confused by novel situations. ‘So what,’ you say. That’s nothing compared to your cousin’s penchant for racing at 3 a.m. and totaling his muscle cars.

What do you expect from a fast food joint called Jack in the Box? It’s named after a toy that you wind and wind with a little hand crank as “Pop Goes The Weasel” plays until the lid flies open and then … gunshots? That’s the surprise one Florida family visiting Houston experienced in 2022 when they got into an argument with fast food workers about the curly fries missing from their order. In a newly released video, Anthony Ramos is shown paying $12.99 for a “Classic Buttery Jack”' combo. A little paper bag is handed over through the drive-thru window, but no fries. He refuses to leave. Words are exchanged, and then employee Alonniea Fantasia Ford throws ketchup packets and ice before pulling a gun. Fortunately, her shots didn’t hit Ramos, his pregnant wife or 6-year-old daughter. Ford pleaded guilty and has already served out her probation, but now the family is suing the company, which denies responsibility and basically says it doesn’t owe the traumatized family jack.

Congratulations to Eddy Wilson for being crowned the homecoming king of Angleton High School. Unfortunately, after the school shared a photo of the king and queen on Facebook, hateful comments about Wilson’s “feminine appearance” filled the feed and the school deleted the post. A varsity cheer captain, Wilson told the Chronicle he loves to wear makeup, dress up and get his hair done. Harassment is nothing new for him, which pains us, as does the school district’s silence about the online bullying, but Wilson seems to have put on a brave face, led by example and risen above the hostility to earn the respect of his fellow students. Sounds like royalty to us.

This time it’s not U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz shutting down the government with another rendition of “Green Eggs and Ham.” We can sort of still blame ol’ Cruz, though, for mentoring one of the main instigators of the House’s rebellious right, Rep. Chip Roy. The former chief of staff for Cruz told Texas Monthly, “My great-great grandfather didn’t run around when he was a Texas Ranger in 1870 going, ‘Oh my God, what will the federal government please do for me?’” We imagine his ancestor did get his job done and Roy’s is to keep the government running. Houston has what’s called a “strong mayor” form of government — perhaps too strong. Dallas on the other hand has a “weak” mayor, which is why we’re somewhat amused by Dallas Mayor Eric Johnson’s decision to switch parties from Democrat to Republican. In a Wall Street Journal op-ed, he writes, “American cities need Republicans.” That may be so but as D Magazine has written, Johnson “has shown us what it’s like to be a (really) weak mayor” with a City Council that overrules him on the basics such as the budget. He might as well start auditioning for his next job. Come to think of it, he already is.

We’ll probably never know what set off the Astros-Mariners bench-clearing brouhaha this week. But here are the immutable facts: The Astros’ Hector Neris is a very good relief pitcher. The Mariners’ Julio Rodriguez is a transcendent star. Going into Wednesday night’s game the Astros held a slim lead over the Mariners for the final American League playoff spot and both teams basically had to win every game from here on out just to have a puncher’s chance at the playoffs. So, heightened tension on both sides. Oh, also, Neris is a bit of a hothead, having been suspended earlier for three games for intentionally throwing at the head of Mariners’ third baseman Eugenio Suarez. So it was not entirely surprising to see Neris, after striking out Rodriguez in the six-inning with a knee-buckling slider, charge at the Mariners’ star and hurl some invectives his way for good measure. Rodriguez took umbrage, the two were separated, and no punches were thrown. Bygones, am I right? Not quite. Some of the bad words uttered by Neris allegedly included a homophobic slur, according to players who witnessed the confrontation. Neris denies that he said anything offensive but he did feel compelled apologize to Rodriguez — whom he described as a friend. In any case, the Astros have bigger fish to fry, or snakes to be exact. They enter this weekend’s series against the Arizona Diamondbacks with a one-game lead for a playoff spot. Let’s hope the team can put this little Mariners tiff behind us and focus on the task at hand.