The brighter side of climate change
I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about climate change. The threat of rising oceans, extreme weather conditions and smug environmentalists screaming “See, I told you so!” as the last bit of Florida sinks into the Atlantic is enough to keep any rational person up at night.
But a recent headline may have changed my perspective. It read: “Love in the time of climate change: Grizzlies and polar bears are now mating.”
That’s right, folks. Two different types of bears are having illicit bear sex to create a third type of creature: a pizzly bear. It’s a grizzly bear who doesn’t complain about snow and has an odd affinity for Coca-Cola products. According to the Washington Post story on this development, climate change has been shrinking polar bear territory — icy areas with easy access to delectable seals and walruses — and expanding the non-icy land that grizzly bears enjoy. This makes me think seals and walruses might be behind climate change, but that’s an investigation for another day.
The looming question is: What does this intraspecies mixing portend?
The story says there’s “a good chance grizzlies could essentially dilute the polar bear population until it doesn’t exist at all.” That would be bad news for humans who admire the white Arctic carnivores, and even worse news for the extinction-eligible polar bears themselves. (For the record, I am and always have been #TeamGrizzly.)
On the plus side, we would have pizzly bears, which offer not only a refreshing reboot of an aging species but also an entirely new line for stuffed animal manufacturers to market. Suddenly an environmental catastrophe starts to sound more like an environmental catastropportunity.
That got me thinking: Perhaps before we completely condemn this climate change phenomenon we should consider the potential advantages or arbitrary amusement it might bring. I’m not saying we shouldn’t care about climate change, just that maybe we should stall a bit on trying to halt it so we can see if any other cool animal combos develop.
For example, the National Wildlife Federation’s website says that “salmon are our ‘canary in the coalmine,’ alerting us to the impact of climate change on the health of our entire ecosystem.”
If smaller snowpacks start causing rivers to dry up, these tasty fish are going to find themselves a lot closer to other creatures, like wolves and eagles. Who knows what kind of passion might bubble up in the midst of aquatic desperation. I don’t know about you, but I’d pay pretty good money to see a salmon-wolf. And the result of an eagle/salmon romance would produce not only a fascinating attraction for birdwatchers but a good excuse, at long last, to eat a bald eagle. (The most patriotic of dishes.)