Responses to readers’ inquiries — or more than you may want to know

Is it true that a web site recently locked you out because you flunked the security question about where you first met your wife?

Unfortunately, this is true. I don’t think I got the answer wrong, but the robot thought I did so I was locked out as if I was some sort of hacker or Russian troll. What my dear wife and I want to know is, where does this institution think we actually met? In our high-tech society, the website nerds may have better information than we do. Perhaps, I misspelled El Centro. I spelled it with and without caps. Or, the government is blocking users of this website who live on the border because we are inherently bad people. Who knows?

Do you know why that New York Times reporter who wrote about the wall from Calexico did a second story on D’Poly in El Centro?

Yes. He was hungry.

Is there snow in the Laguna Mountains since snow levels have dropped in Southern California?

I think so, but it is difficult to see into the mountains from I-8. Also, I was driving west over 70 mph. I did see snow along the freeway on the north face of the ridges on the freeway’s left border. It is always amazing to see patches of snow in Southern California no matter how little there is. No, I did not see any snow men or women. There is not enough snow along the roadside. No, I don’t believe in the abominable snowman despite the TV ads. There are abdominal snowmen. They often live in Switzerland and drink too much beer.

You have written about growing tomatoes from seed, and you gave us some seedlings. When will we get tomatoes?

It is tough to predict. My tomatoes are in the ground or in pots, and they have grown tall. Some are flowering. I suppose I may have maturing fruit by the end of March since once they are in the ground or pots, fruit should mature within 2 months. I just grow these plants, give them love, and hope for the best. One trick is to begin early, which I did, in order to beat the heat. Tomatoes require cool nights to flower and produce fruit. We are always racing against the heat, aren’t we? If I get a good crop, I will invite you over for homemade sauce and penne pasta.

Will you write about the friendly Valentine’s owl your dear wife drew for Preschool? And why an owl?

Sure. My dear wife is tasked by her preschool to create holiday posters, large drawings of images the teachers get from Pinterest. She draws freehand images in the blink of an eye and colors them to fit the season, in this case, pink. The owls, she drew two, have heart shaped bodies and are flanked by hearts colored in red. The teacher chose owls, maybe because they are wise.

Why is Feb. 14 Kay’s favorite holiday?

Simply because Kay makes a lot of money on this holiday. Kay Jewelers cleans up. It’s even better than Christmas. Green’s Jewelry, too. Green’s is in El Centro on Broadway.

This leads me to a public service announcement. All guys, listen up: Thursday is Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to like it. You just need to be prepared with flowers, chocolates, and preferably jewelry. This is not optional unless you enjoy sleeping on the couch or with the dog. Your girlfriend, wife or mistress expects tangible signs of your enduring love. If you have a good salary, “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” (Marilyn). It’s important to remember your mom, too. A nice box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers go a long way to thank mom for putting up with guys like us.

Readers, please continue to send your inquiries and folding money to this columnist. Happy St. Valentine’s Day and happy Lunar New Year, the Year of the Pig.