I love the Arctic Circle

Yes, I am obsessed with the weather. I keep looking at different weather sites hoping to find a promised prediction of cooler temps. It’s as futile as searching for a doctor who will guarantee I’ll live forever. Actually, my weather expectations are much more modest. I just want it to drop below a constant 112 degrees where it seems that the thermometer has been at since mid-July.

I do appreciate the rare warm weather advantages. When I hang the laundry on the line, by the time I’m finished the first few shirts are dry. Even the towels. My dear wife looked out the kitchen window and noticed my shorts were on fire. “Guess they’re dry,” is all she said. It’s extreme weather, to say the least. Valley residents are a hearty lot, but don’t overdo it, and drink lots of liquids, especially water and Gatorade type drinks. People do die from heat-related causes this time of year.

How hot is it? The Los Angeles Times had a weather story about heat in the Southland and how Death Valley was going to get seriously hot. For some reason, The Times doesn’t consider us part of California and rarely reports on the Valley. When it does, a border fence or big drug bust has to be involved. So I looked at the National Weather Service web site. During typical peak heat days in August, Imperial Valley’s projected highs are close to those of Death Valley, within a couple of degrees. As I tell my out-of-town friends, the big difference is people live in Imperial Valley. Most of us are huddled around our air conditioners, but we’re here. Occasionally, I see a guy or a kid bicycling by as if it was a cool January day. I want a sample of that DNA and find out what’s going on there.

Another difference between Death Valley and Imperial Valley is that we have lawns. The problem is that for some of us, it’s just too hot to mow. Early in the morning you say, when it’s only 90 degrees and humid. Let it grow. Let it grow. Let it grow. There will come a day when I won’t have to place a raspado under my straw hat to survive out there.

Our local utility sends confusing messages about surviving in the summer months. Lawns require lots of water given the incredibly fast evaporation rate of the water moving from the sprinklers to the grass. I have limes that must be worth hundreds of dollars each given the amount of irrigation used just to keep the trees alive. But IID gives little advice about drip, soaker hoses or conservation. Nor do the cities, which are the middlemen that sell us expensive treated water we use on our grass and trees.

IID’s focus is on the growers who use the bulk of water flowing into the Valley from the Colorado River. Yet, guidance on water conservation would be a good thing even for us residential customers. We’d like to do our part and help avoid another drought emergency.

But IID is always coaching us about electrical usage. Don’t run washers or other major appliances between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m. Hey, Dippy Duck, how about my air conditioner? I need to turn that on so we don’t end up looking like dehydrated apples. That’s OK, Dippy Duck, the IID mascot, says. But set your air conditioner at 78 or 80. This is the time of year you should be sweating in your home. It’s good to get rid of all those toxins.

I don’t think I’ll get to the Arctic Circle, though you can reach it in northern Alaska. I’d rather travel to Longyearbyen, Norway. You can get a tasty meal there. Ask for the salmon. At nighttime, I wouldn’t even need a fan.