FEEL OUT OF CONTROL? ‘You are not alone’

The holidays are approaching, and COVID-19 is still affecting people’s health and the nation’s economy. Living with uncertainty makes people feel like they have lost control of their lives, but there are ways to cope.

“Without a doubt we are living in stressful times. There’s so much going on,” said clinical psychologist Jill A. Stoddard, founder/director of the Center for Stress and Anxiety Management and author of “Be Mighty.”

People who do not usually struggle with anxiety are being especially hit hard by pandemic-related stress, Stoddard said.

“The clients I have who do struggle with anxiety are saying, ‘ Now everyone understands what I feel like’ and ‘I’ve been training for this thing for my whole life.’ It’s ‘ go time’ for people who struggle with anxiety,” she said.

It’s crucial to understand that it’s normal to have anxiety and fear, because these are real issues we’re dealing with, Stoddard said.

“Truly recognize that your feelings of being scared, anxious or out of control are 100% normal,” she said.

Accept and solve

As humans we are wired to avoid uncertainty, but in times like these we have to accept some lack of control.

“People try to cling to control, but that doesn’t help,” Stoddard said.

Seeking information about what is causing anxiety can help, but it can also spiral out of control. For example, looking online for information about QAnon may be helpful in the short term, but if it’s anxiety- driven behavior it can leave you feeling less in control, Stoddard said.

“Learn to make space to allow yourself to experience and recognize uncertainty exists. You don’t have to like it, but you should accept it,” she said.

Look for problems you can solve within the situation. For example, if you really want your child back in school, but the school is still doing virtual learning, it doesn’t help to spend a lot of time thinking about it or becoming angry. Instead you could create a new workspace for your child to use while at home or learn what the parameters are for when the school will return to in- person learning.

“To dwell on something creates anxiety. Accept that it’s unknowable. Yes, it’s distressing, but look for what you can do that’s productive. Take one day at a time,” Stoddard said.

Be kind to yourself

When feeling anxious, practice self- compassion.

“Be mindful and recognize your own suffering,” Stoddard said. For example, when you feel that tightness in your shoulders, recognize it as anxiety and a signal to practice some self- kindness.

“Stay in the moment. When you’re feeling frustrated on your last nerve, take a breath and think about who is the ‘ me’ you most want to be in this one moment,” Stoddard said.

It’s also a good idea to remember that you are part of a “common humanity. You are not alone,” she said.

‘ Find the sugar’

The old saying might be, “when life hands you lemons, make lemonade,” but it’s hard to make lemonade when there’s no sugar.

“Find the sugar. Even if 99% of the day is bad, find those little granules of sugar,” Stoddard said. That could be a smile from your child, a first sip of morning coffee or a walk around the block by yourself.

It’s time to seek professional help if anxiety is interfering with your normal function in school or work, Stoddard said. Some signs of more severe anxiety include difficulty sleeping, gastrointestinal issues and other physical problems that are not typical for you.