Privacy becomes an issue after woman discovers affair
DEAR ABBY: Because my fiance and I had bad experiences in the past, we settled on just living together for the last 17 years.
He has been like a husband to me and faithful all these years. Recently, however, I caught him in an online affair.
I checked his phone one day out of the blue -something I have never done before because we respect each other’s privacy.
The emails were daily, back and forth, with only one mentioning a sexual encounter at the beginning.
He confessed that he had made a big mistake once and refused to see her again in person but had kept up the correspondence. He begged me to forgive him and I agreed, since we were together for so long.
The problem is, now we argue about his phone. He still expects the same privacy with it. I don’t feel comfortable with that now.
Does he still deserve the same privacy?
HUNG UP IN OHIO
DEAR HUNG UP: No, he does not. What he deserves is the chance to rebuild your trust, and that involves accountability on his part, which includes allowing you access to his phone if you feel insecure.
After 17 years together, both of you have a large emotional investment in this relationship. Because of that, it might be beneficial to sched
-ule some sessions with a licensed relationship counselor to figure out where it went off the rails.
DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day. I know sometimes you suggest people see a doctor, either medical or psychological. What do you do if you are terrified of doctors?
I have asthma and consult my doctor via a computer, but some doctors ( like dentists) can’t do that. I have horrible panic attacks and anxiety.
Then my asthma kicks in, I can’t breathe, and I cry uncontrollably. I don’t want to take medications because they make me sleepy.
Because I’m so doped up, someone has to come with me to the doctor to drive me home and watch me be an uncontrollable mess. Also, missing a whole day of work for a one- hour doctor appointment is, in my opinion, ridiculous. I think I’d rather be sick than go to the doctor.
My family insists it’s all in my head and I should just get over it, but because of many horrible experiences at doctors’ offices, which I believe caused my fear, I just can’t. The current situation with the worldwide COVID epidemic has made my anxiety worse. Your thoughts? -TERRIFIED TO GO THERE
DEAR TERRIFIED: My thought is that you need to ask your doctor or your insurance company for a referral to a licensed psychologist who specializes in phobias and panic attacks. Many of them consult with their patients online these days. Once you finally get a handle on that problem, the rest will be easier. While few people relish the idea of going to the doctor or dentist, NOT doing what is necessary to protect your health can be dangerous.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $ 8 ( U. S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P. O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 610540447. ( Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2021 Look for the positive in every situation this year, and you will find it easier to make headway. How you approach people and situations will determine how much help and support you receive.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Someone will outsmart you if you don’t prepare appropriately. Leave nothing to chance, and you will outmaneuver anyone who tries to upstage you.
PISCES (Feb. 20-March 20) — Look for an opportunity, and don’t hesitate to take advantage of an offer. How you conduct yourself will make an impression on someone who can help you advance. Make suggestions and offer solutions, but don’t share personal information.
ARIES (March 21-April 19) — Keep things moving forward. A positive attitude will help ward off interference. Stay focused on what you are trying to achieve. It’s a good day for romance.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20) — Put your differences with colleagues aside; focus your energy on getting things done on time. It’s up to you to make decisions that support your happiness.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20) — Take on something that interests you. A new position, project or partnership will challenge you intellectually and push you to learn more and take better care of yourself and your financial future.
CANCER (June 21-July 22) — Offer suggestions, do your part and put unfinished business to rest. Handle money matters, contracts or joint endeavors with enthusiasm.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) — Don’t let the actions of others upset you. Take the initiative, look out for your interests and get things done on time. Opportunity is apparent, but it’s up to you to take advantage of it.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Live and learn. Take your time, listen carefully and make changes that improve your social standing, attitude and relationships. Don’t take a risk with your health.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Control your emotions and concentrate on your responsibilities. How you conduct business, handle investments and deal with health issues will be crucial.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Proceed with caution. A problem with a partner, friend or relative will surface if you are outspoken or indulgent. Relax, be introspective and let situations unfold naturally.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Take hold of whatever situation you face. Be positive, offer insight and make conclusions based on facts, not on hearsay. The way you present your ideas will determine how they’re greeted.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Formulate your plan, then put it in motion. Don’t let what others do or say deter you from reaching your destination. A unique approach will lead to an exciting offer.