Clocks back

Wake up! Wake up! Of course I had forgotten to set my clock back last Saturday night/Sunday morning. You’ll be late for church, your Sunday meeting, dinner with family, the dentist’s on Monday (yay), plus jury duty (even better), your flight out of Imperial airport, the Greyhound, aka the Dog, out of Calexico, your job interview. And the list goes on. What anarchy! Why do we have to submit to the dreaded time change, and the next one, where we lose an hour? It’s even worse.

Arguments for Daylight Saving Time were that changing the clocks saved energy, that is, people used less energy since it got dark later. Subsequent federal studies actually showed greater energy use and higher emissions.

Plus, there are complicating factors about the benefits of employing Daylight Saving Time changes. It depends how far south or north one lives from the equator. If you live near the equator, there is little variance in daylight no matter if it’s the winter or summer equinox. Then, too, times of sunrise and sunset differ depending where you live in the eastern or western extremes of your particular time zone.

We exit Daylight Saving Time the first Sunday of November as directed by the Uniform Time Act of 1966. All states do this with the exception of our neighbor, Arizona, and Hawaii. Therefore, friends of ours who did set their clocks back to standard time missed appointments in Arizona, because Arizona stands still in time. Arizona stands still in other ways, but here we’re concerned with time.

I have a friend who missed an important career-changing test in Yuma. It was the Law School Aptitude Test, and his California clock swore he was on time. My friend happily remained a reporter and never went to law school. If you have an upcoming appointment in Arizona, be aware that the Zonies are now 1 hour ahead of us Golden Bears.

So why if it’s getting darker naturally as we approach the winter solstice, Dec. 21, the shortest day of the year in the northern hemisphere, do we ditch Daylight Saving Time?

For some answers, we turned to one of our timeless experts, Timmy Timex. Well, a long time ago reports Timmy, one of the purposes of Daylight Saving Time was to provide more days with extended daylight so planting and then harvesting could be conducted. Moving into the fall, harvests completed, clocks could be put back where they belong. Personally, says Timmy, I pity the person who nowadays does not have a mobile and has to get up at 2 a.m. Sunday and move the clock’s hands back one hour.

Does the extra hour of sleep make us happier and healthier? We asked our uptown correspondent Rita

Rolex. Messing with people’s time makes them anxious, observes Rita. Xanax use skyrockets. Also, the dogs and cats don’t change their Rolexes. They are waiting in kitchens all over the United States for their breakfast of kibble or roast beef in gravy and your sorry butt is still in bed. Thanks, Rita. I always feel uplifted with your visits.

Despite the rumors that people don’t really care if you’re an hour late, I suggest it’s a safer bet to be on time. Your professor, your probation officer, the woman you left waiting at Kay jewelers, all would rather you show up and show some respect.

By the way. Does anyone know how to change the clock on a microwave?