Husband acknowledges a air, but not everything adds up
My husband had an affair. I found out after seeing a motel charg e on our bank account. I asked, and he confessed tha t it was with an old school sweetheart. I asked how long it was going on. He said two years. He then called her and told her I knew. He told me he had told her if I ever found out, it was over for them.
When I got on the phone with her, she said he was lying, and their affair had been going on for 20 years! He invited her to his mom’s visitation when she passed. He invited her to other things as well. Now she no longer wants him because he is a liar, and he expects me to go back to the way it was. I don’t know if there’s time to go through it all -- he also had an af fair with someone at his work. He said it was a one-nighter. Who knows?
I’m having so much trouble with this and all the things they did together. My husband didn’t do anything with me -- he skipped funerals, weddings and engagements. I was going everywhere alone. People always asked where he was, and I always had to say “working.”
The way things are now is not comfor table. He doesn’t care. He just wants his way and to not let anyone else in the family know. It’s been two years and it’s still fresh in my mind. I don’t know what to do. Counseling hasn’t helped. He wants me to forget everything. I’m going crazy. How do you trust after that? -- LOST FAITH IN MISSOURI
DEAR ABBY: DEAR LOST FAITH:
You are not crazy. You are married to a lying, narcissis tic womanizer. For you to “forget everything” might require a lobotomy. Are you willing to do tha t? ( Don’t answer too quickly; some people would rather do anything than be alone.)
I think it would bene fit you to disc uss this with a licensed mental health professional. TALK with your friends and your family as well. Y ou need all the support they can give you. Your husband has plenty to be ashamed about.
A marriage without trust is no marriage at all. If you were to separate, your life would not be much different than it already is. I t might even be better. From what you have written, you have already been alone for a ver y long time.
My partner and I have miscarried five times over the pas t four years. We are heartbroken, defeated, overwhelmed and exhausted. We are struggling emotionally, physically and fi
DEAR ABBY:
nancially because of this journe y.
We do not feel any real emotional support from our families. They have been sympathetic, but after the initial “I’m sorry. I’m here if you need me. We’re thinking about you,” that’s it. They expect us to attend all holidays, family gatherings, trips, etc., and we aren’t always feeling up to it.
I am angry with them for not unders tanding what we’re going through. I have started distancing myself and skipping these family func tions. Is this wrong of me? -- BOWING OUT IN NORTH DAKOTA
No. Under the circumstances, skipping a family ga thering in which you would be forced to socialize isn ’ t a bad idea. If this causes hurt feelings, remind the hos t that grief has no set timetable, and you will celebrate with them again when you are up to it. P eriod.
DEAR BOWING OUT:
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