How I Survived Selling My Company
Toni Ko founded the cosmetics company NYX in Los Angeles in 1999. She set her targets on a gap in the market between lowend drugstore cosmetics and pricey brands sold in department stores. NYX took off during the advent of social media—and during the rece
ISTARTED the company when I was 26. By the time I’d sold it, I was 41. I had lived my entire life single, focused, and working. I thought: “I’m going to sell the company and have work-life balance!” And I would travel. I thought, “I’m going to be able to let go. I’m going to retire. I’m going to get a margarita, sit on the beach, and read a book.”
Selling the company took three years of preparation. It’s kind of a plateau—and then there is a drop-off point. The drop-off point is the day after you sell the company.
Words cannot describe that moment. I felt like a balloon that had been filled with oxygen to its fullest, and someone came and gave it a small stab with a needle, and it just went pop. And there was nothing. Blank. Black. Dark. Hole.
I initially thought I would go and drink champagne and celebrate. But what I did the day I got the wire transfer in, and the transaction confirmed and completed, was pack my stuff from my office and walk quietly out. I went and fell asleep for, I think. 14 hours straight.
The next morning, I was a little bit confused. My life for 15 years had been waking up in the morning and getting ready and going to work. But I opened my eyes that day and realized I had no place to go and no reason to wake up. I just went back to sleep. That went on for several days. Soon, I was bored out of my mind. I didn’t know what to do with myself. How many days can you spend on the beach? How many times can you go shopping? My life became very redundant. It was meaningless. I felt like I didn’t have an identity. I felt like I wasn’t adding value to my life or to society. I just felt like a loser, almost.
Eventually, I started an investment company, and then I started to build a real estate portfolio. I was never not doing something at any given moment. But nothing was very exciting or meaningful to me. I’m a products person—I need to be in an environment where I create products. That’s when I have the most joy, fulfillment, excitement—everything.
Literally three days later, I started dreaming up other businesses. Eventually, I settled on sunglasses and, within months, launched a company called Perverse. It made me feel whole again. It gave me a reason to wake up in the morning.