Why does he mention my age when introducing me?

QI have a good friend and colleague who is 10 years my junior. Whenever we are in a forum together, he introduces me and says, “Here is my colleague who is 82 and currently working on this important project,” etc.

I am female, love my work and am beginning to feel like Exhibit A. I am not sure if his comment is ageist or if he is just concerned about his own age. As a woman, I wonder if he would introduce a male colleague in the same way. Am I being too sensitive? Should I bring this to his attention? I don’t want to ruin the relationship.

AAlthough we have made great strides since the beginning of the women’s movement, age- and gender-based stereotypes still exist. Some older women may be frail, lonely and vulnerable, but certainly not all. One thing we have learned about aging is that each person ages differently.

Let’s begin by trying to understand why your colleague insists on mentioning your age. He could be using your age and activities as a benchmark for himself.

He might be thinking, “If she can accomplish X at her age, so can I.” He also might look at you as a role model, indicating: Here is an 82-year-old woman who is working and productive.

So, what is it about being an older woman that seems so shocking? Why should an accomplished older woman be considered exceptional?

It’s when her activities, achievements, and physical and cognitive capacities bump heads with age and gender stereotypes. Here are a few examples.

OLDER WOMEN ARE NOT TECH-SAVVY >> Not true. Older women master the GPS in their cars, sell items on eBay and are embracing technology. A Pew Research Center survey found that adults 60 or older spend more than half of their daily leisure time on their TVs, computers, tablets or other electronic devices. In 2000, 14% of those 65 or older were internet users; more recently it is 73%.

OLDER WOMEN ARE PHYSICALLY WEAK >> Men have more muscle mass than women, and postmenopausal women have higher risk of developing osteoporosis, which can lead to bone fractures. That does not mean older women are necessarily weak. Strength training that builds muscle mass can have positive results at any age, including older age. Recall the Olympics did not have a women’s marathon until 1984. We’ve come a long way.

OLDER WOMEN ARE HELPLESS AND NEEDY >> Perhaps some are, but certainly not all. We know that older women are part of a generation of encore entrepreneurs who are starting their own businesses, and they are in elected offices, the arts, science, entertainment and more.

OLDER WOMEN (AND MEN, TOO) ARE JUST TOO SENSITIVE >> Again, perhaps some are, but certainly not all. Ageism has become normalized in our society, particularly in our language. A response to ageist remarks may be interpreted as being too sensitive. Note that we tend to say things about older adults that we would never say about other marginalized groups. Words and images matter. For example, the term “anti-aging” suggests that aging is a negative, to be avoided and sometimes at all costs. Birthday cards with an image of an older adult in a diaper or poking fun at older adults having sex just amplify the stereotypes. Yes, there is a fine line between humor and ageism. That’s another discussion.

Regarding sensitivity, we have become increasingly aware of what is called microaggressions. These are everyday, subtle, intentional — and often unintentional — interactions or behaviors that convey a bias toward historically marginalized groups. These can occur against race, gender, ethnicity and more. Age falls into that category. One might argue that the consistent mentioning of your age is a microaggression if your colleague is sending this message: “Wow — despite her being old, look what she is doing.” He also may be referencing you as a role model for others, sending the message, “If she can do it, so can you.”

If you have a conversation with your colleague, you might just ask why he continues to mention your age. You may find that his intention is simply to compliment you.

Whether he would introduce a male colleague of the same age in the same way is difficult to answer. Perhaps our readers would like to weigh in on that one.

Thank you, D.D., for your good question and raising our awareness about age-based comments as possible microaggressions. It all depends on the intention of the speaker and how the words are received by the recipient.

Best wishes to you in continuing to do what you love to do. Be well and, of course, be kind to yourself and others.