Valentine love lines that will warm your sweetheart’s heart
Pat yourself on the back; you earned it. The congratulations are well-deserved because you, crafty rascal that you are, have Valentine’s Day all wrapped up, literally and figuratively. Indeed, the loving gifts for the love of your life (or at least the warm body with cheap rent you are tolerating until the Perfect One shows up) are wrapped, the romantic dinner is planned and the tone for a night of love has been set.
The only thing left to do is write a few cute comments and endearing sentiments on that darling Valentine’s Day Card that is overflowing with cupids/ hearts/pink bows/syrupy sentiment.
Words are powerful, so tread careful- ly, my friends, or you could collapse at love’s finish line and end up eating your words instead of chocolate. So, as a public service here are some examples of winning love lines you can use, free of charge, to warm the heart of your partner/spouse/lover.
“For once, YOU get to pick where we have a romantic Valentine’s Day Dinner, my Tater Tot. I’ve got 2-for-1 coupons for McDonalds, El Pollo Loco, Carl’s Jr. and Jack-In-The-Box. You pick, I pay. Your French Fry.”
“Dear Love Muffin: Bring the butter because we’re going to be baking tonight. Love Biscuit.”
“To Best Mom/Wife in the World: Forget our pathetic retirement account and the chance we might deliver some ugly “psychic scars” to those little ankle-biters we brought into this world, let’s spend $5,000 to send the kids on a 5-day “vacation” to Grammy and PaPa’s house, and another $5,000 on a real, kid-free 5-day vacation four ourselves. Best Dad/Husband in the World.”
“Glad you were not upset about me not being able to get Valentine’s Day dinner reservations, my Little Lamb Chop. I love the idea of a nice dinner at home. How about seared lemon-crusted baked chicken breasts with seaweed, polenta, homemade croissants, homemade coleslaw, topped off with fresh-baked pineapple upside down cake? Oh, and don’t worry, I won’t be home until 7 p.m. so you can concentrate on the cooking. Your Filet Mignon Fella.”
“Dear Twitter: check your Facebook page. Love Instagram.” “The evidence points to our hot, passionate love affair, hereafter referred to as ‘the relationship’ moving to the next level, my Little Litigator. To make sure that transition is made potential liability and with an ironclad contract to
Love, Honor and Cherish each other and split Valentine dinner costs and provide ‘guidance’ for Valentine gifts, please sign the enclosed ‘Agreement’ and return it, in triplicate, before making a motion to proceed. Big Barrister.”
“Dear Barely Know You, But You Are So Hot: You’re not allergic to roses, chocolate and nuts, are you? From: Hope You Think I’m Hot Too.”
“You will definitely be spending Valentine’s Night with me, my Obedient Servant. Sit down on the couch. Now.
Thank You. Grab ‘our’ copy of ‘Submission is Fun’ and find the page I highlighted. Don’t stand up until I tell you. That page will be your ‘present’ to me. Love, Your Rope and Chain (which you will be retrieving from the basement).”
“Dear Dog, you are cute, despite the slobbering and barking, but this isn’t going to work, Cat. PS: Don’t feel bad, I don’t even like the losers who feed me.”
“Love is in the air, My Love Doctor, and so is the flu, COVID, RSV virus, and the common cold. Wash your hands for 20 seconds, then use hand sanitizer, and wear a mask, yes, even while kissing, which we won’t be doing. Your Naughty (but not this year) Nurse.”
“Tonight will be EPIC, my Cute Cursor, thanks to Minecraft and Call of Duty. Digital Dude.”
“Don’t worry about me, Heart Breaker, I’ll be sitting home alone, in the dark, listening to sad country western songs, scrolling through your social media accounts, sobbing and hitting my head with a hammer and sticking nails in my ears. Broken Hearted.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day to My Snookie Ukkie Cuddle Muddle Lovie Poo Poo from Your Squeezie Weezie Pleeezie Fuzzy Wuzzy Lovie Poo Poo.”
(Jon Klusmire of Bishop is has eaten more words than chocolates in his life.)