LA TIMES CROSSWORD

Adapted from an online discussion. Hi, Carolyn: My sister and I recently pondered whether all kids think their moms are annoying. Of course, there are few universal truths, but we both find ourselves highly annoyed by our mother most of the time. Anecdotally, my husband finds his mother annoying perhaps 35 percent to 40 percent of the time. My sister’s teenagers find her annoying most of the time, but they are teens, so who knows how that will play out.

Is this destiny? What makes parents so annoying, even to their middle-aged children? Criticism and unsolicited advice? Pointing out every store and sign you pass as you drive down the road? Ignoring cues and asking highly personal questions when no one is in the mood for sharing? Swallowing weird?

My kid is only 3, and I need some hope I can maybe break the cycle. Annoyed by Mom

Annoyed by Mom: Criticism and unsolicited advice? Yes.

Pointing out every store and sign you pass? Yessss.

Ignoring cues and asking highly personal questions? Yep. Swallowing weird? Yes.

I am not helping, am I?

But I think parents can preempt or mitigate a lot of this if they:

1. Avail themselves of every age-appropriate opportunity to back off and let their kids be themselves. Few annoyances are as annoying as being parented against one’s will. So many messages in that: “I know better,” “You need fixing,” “Who you are matters less to me than who I think you should be.”

2. Keep their anxiety behaviors to themselves. That’s what the sign-reading is, after all – the equivalent of announcing to everyone in the car, “I AM MASSIVELY STRESSED IN YOUR PRESENCE RIGHT NOW.” It is both the chicken and the egg of feeling like everything you say to your kids is the wrong thing.

3. Learn not to feel or act hurt that your kids find you annoying. It’s more positional than personal anyway, so treat it that way toward becoming less reactive. Emotionally reactive people are harder to be around in general.

3a. Learn to laugh at yourself, and admit when you’re wrong. It’s the closest we’ve got to magic.

Re: Annoying: Even if you’re a decent parent, teens are going to think you’re annoying no matter what, so just go with it and try not to take it too personally. Anonymous

Anonymous: Right, it’s their job to differentiate themselves and feel motivated toward independence, which includes pushing parents away. Finding fault is a pretext.

Re: Annoying: What about dads? Are they annoying? Children? Pets? I suspect we all are at times – why the focus here on mothers?

Annoyed

Annoyed: Dads yes, pets no. It’s an authority thing.

Another reader’s thoughts:

● They say no one can push your buttons like your parents because they installed them!

Email Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www .facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

ACROSS

1 Ballplayer’s hat 4 Bygone Persian

rulers

9 Under

14 Baton Rouge sch. 15 Certain Tuscan 16 Suspect’s excuse 17 Feel ill

18 South American home of many pink dolphins 20 At one’s leisure 22 More current 23 Potato spot 24 Scientific studies

of pooled data 28 “Don’t believe

the __”

29 Make a mistake 33 Very small 35 Healing ointment 39 Top of the line 40 Diner dessert topped with a scoop

44 “Star Wars”

heroine

45 Sing the praises of 46 Snapchat snicker 47 Court game 50 “Knives Out” filmmaker Johnson 52 Bowlful of lettershaped pasta 58 Grampa Simpson 61 Feudal lord

62 Fire truck item 63 New venture that may collaborate with Y Combinator, and what 18-, 24-, 40-, and 52-Across each literally has? 67 “With all __

respect ... ” 68 “West Side Story” role for Rachel Zegler

69 Sierra __, Africa 70 Place for a

napkin or a cat 71 Hit the books 72 Spanish mister 73 Above-the-street rumblers

DOWN

1 Call one’s own 2 “All kidding __ ... ” 3 End a project due to lack of funding, say 4 Place to take it

easy

5 He/__ pronouns 6 Yoga posture 7 Witch __:

astringent lotion 8 Like some winter

nights

9 Wooden wine

container

10 Yale student 11 Reside (in) 12 Follow orders 13 Undercover

agent’s device 19 Loch __ monster 21 “Great news!” 25 Altar area 26 Half-moon tide 27 Former name of

Thailand 30 Simple flotation

device 31 Reverse 32 Kumquat coat 33 Poet Whitman 34 Fencer’s blade 36 Untruth

37 Irk

38 Gulp down

41 “Blue Banisters” singer-songwriter Del Rey

42 Ancestral stories,

e.g. 1/16/24