Generation Z feels dating app burnout
Many seeking authentic bonds, researchers say
Dina Kaur
TEMPE, Ariz. – Generation Z has grown up in the age of Zoom classes, TikTok and situationships – romantic or sexual involvement without clear commitment – instead of relationships.
With so much of their interaction with other people taking place via devices, it’s not surprising that many members of Gen Z feel their online relationships are superficial.
Dating apps, in particular, are not delivering the authentic connection and companionship they desire. About 79% of U.S. dating app users ages 18 to 29 have used Tinder, 51% have used Bumble and 39% have used Hinge, according to a survey conducted in July 2022 by Pew Research Center.
But Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and other apps are leaving many young adults feeling drained. Gen Z is feeling dating app burnout.
Liesel Sharabi, an associate professor at the Hugh Downs School of Human Communication at Arizona State University, is studying this trend.
Sharabi said burnout happens when users spend a significant amount of time on apps but don’t get the results they’re seeking. She thinks dating apps have contributed to the rise of situationships.
“It makes you feel as if partners are abundant, options are plentiful,” Sharabi said. “And if this person is not perfect, I can just wait for the next person to come along and I know somebody will come along because it’s so easy to meet people.
“And I think some people have this attitude where they kind of feel like something better is always just a swipe away.”
Sharabi has observed another phenomenon as well. “I also think with Gen Z, you’re seeing people that are just more comfortable with singlehood overall to where they feel happy, being in a relationship or not,” Sharabi said. “I think that they’re more willing to embrace their independence and the single lifestyle, so I think there might be a bit of a change in attitude there as well towards relationships.”
Vincent Waldron, a professor of communication studies and Lincoln professor of applied ethics at ASU, teaches and researches relationships among families, friends and co-workers.
He calls Gen Z an anxious generation as a result of all the scary things that have happened during their lifetimes, from school shootings to the COVID-19 pandemic. To them, the world can feel unsettled. Waldron thinks Gen Zers are taking their time developing romantic relationships and leaning toward friendships instead.
Waldron has noticed among his students that faceto-face interaction is something they’re still practicing a lot.
“Their whole life is mediated,” Waldron said. “They have lots and lots and lots of contact, but not lots of intimacy.
“So, you’re highly connected to a lot of people, and it can be kind of exhausting to stay up with all that,” Waldron added. “But most of those contacts are not yielding meaningful conversations or connections. So, I think they are burned out on digital relationships and sometimes longing for what feels like a more holistic connection.”
Kiara Rodriguez, a 20-year-old sophomore studying tourism development and management at ASU, does not use dating apps. She doesn’t like the idea of being in a relationship.
“I don’t know, I find relationships a little bit cringe,” Rodriguez said. “I know not a lot of people think like me, but even the thought of just meeting someone and showing romantic interest, I hate, I can’t do that.”
Everything she’s heard from her friends reaffirms that she does not want to put herself in those situations.
“I hear more, I guess, like, horror stories,” Rodriguez said. “So, like the guy was really weird or creepy, or didn’t pick up on social cues, things of that nature. I feel like maybe meeting somebody organically might be better.”
Abigail Gava, a 19-year-old freshman medical studies student at ASU, has used Tinder and Hinge. She deleted the apps because they weren’t leading anywhere.
“I never actually meet up with anybody,” Gava said. “It’s more like a confidence boost. And I don’t like the messages that I received on them.”
She said she likes the tension and build-up in a relationship, and she misses that with dating apps.
Hookup culture was prevalent on college campuses even before dating apps. But the apps can amplify that experience. With so many potential partners at your fingertips, it’s easier than ever to meet up with somebody casually.
Alex Sanchez, a 20-year-old sophomore sports broadcast journalism student at ASU, has used Tinder and Bumble. He is not a fan of any dating apps, and Tinder is his least favorite.
“I feel like people are on there for the wrong reasons,” Sanchez said. “But then again, you can’t really blame them because that’s just the culture of the app and the same goes for Bumble. It’s just a lot of hookup culture, which I’m just not really a big fan of.
“If you use it, respect; I don’t judge at all,” he said “It’s just not for me. I’d rather just meet someone in person.”
Online dating is prevalent, but don’t put all your eggs in that one basket, Sharabi said. Be open to meeting people in real life.
“Just because you’re on the dating apps doesn’t mean that you can’t also be looking for partners in other ways,” Sharabi said. “We know that people tend to meet partners who are in our same geographic proximity, so pay attention to people when you’re out and about going about your routine, when you’re at the gym, when you’re at the dog park, when you’re out doing things.”
She also recommends meeting people through your in-person social networks. Ask your friends to introduce you to their friends. There’s a good chance you’ll meet someone with similar interests.
Rodriguez hopes to meet people through day-today activities such as school and clubs. It’s important to her to start as friends before considering a romantic relationship.
Gava is also trying to meet more people in real life, but she’s not actively looking for a romantic relationship.
Potter prefers to make connections organically, by talking to new people, hanging out with friends of friends or meeting others at sporting events.
Sanchez has been trying to have more natural interactions at places like restaurants or just out and about. He is trying to work on going up to people who catch his eye.
However they feel about their experiences with dating apps, members of Gen Z are looking for authentic ways to connect.
“There is this general sentiment where some people are feeling frustrated with the experience and they’re kind of saying, I’ve had enough,” Sharabi said.
“And whether that means they’re turning to other ways of meeting people, like meeting people the oldfashioned way face-to-face, or if it means they’re taking a break from dating entirely, I think that there is some of this backlash right now towards dating apps where people are just feeling really frustrated.”