Still not sure what all I want for Christmas
I did not camp out at Walmart in anticipation of a great deal on a giant screen TV on Black Friday.
I don’t need a TV and I have no camping equipment. I also would be worried about getting pneumonia or being beaten up in a riot over a good deal on a lava lamp.
So I passed on the gala that has become the start of the Official Christmas Shopping Season.
I also passed on Cyber-Monday. This is when you can get super deals on things online.
I’m not good at shopping online. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’ve ordered something so I’ll keep clicking on it. This leads to me getting three or four items of the same thing. I’m a guy, so I don’t send things back.
I don’t think the depictions of the items I may want are the same as what I think they are anyway.
Also, I don’t shop online as much anymore since, while I was hallucinating from chemotherapy, I bought a pick-up truck. I confine myself now to mainly just ordering books for my Kindle. I screw that up sometimes too.
I’m just not a shopper. When I do go out to shop at Christmas I’m always amazed at all the neat stuff that’s available. So sometimes I’ll buy something for myself without realizing that it’s no longer in fashion if I think it’s neat.
Christmas used to be so much more fun when I was a kid and everything seemed so magical. I never knew what I was going to get from Santa Claus, who seemed to put a lot of emphasis on whether I had been a “good boy” or not. Now, I realize that he was being extremely judgmental and that this was a form of microaggression.
Some years stand out, the Davy Crockett year was neat because I got a coonskin cap, a musket and a powder horn. This made me feel great and it was effective, too, because even to this day there are no bears in the neighborhood.
One year I got an “English” bike which had three gears and thin tires. This was to replace my old fat tire bike, which had used up its usefulness. The first time I rode my new “English” bike, I got a flat tire. The bicycle pump attached to the frame should have given me an indication of what was to come.
As I got older my Christmas presents tended to be more sports-oriented. So one year I got a complete Baltimore Colts uniform which included a helmet (with the horse- shoe), shoulder pads, a jersey (number 19, of course) and a pair of pants. Another favorite was the year I got my first real leather baseball glove, a Sonnet Harvey Kuenn model.
Then as a teenager, my options were limited to clothes and personal hygiene items. I may still have bottles of Canoe, Jade East, Hai Karate and English Leather cologne. They were distinctive in that they would make your eyes water.
But now since I don’t get out much, the only items I see that I need come from TV commercials on the limited number of channels I do watch. I’m guessing here, but I think the demographics of these programs may be for an older audience.
However, I have noticed that I have “crepe skin.” I didn’t realize this until former Olympic skater Dorothy Hamill pointed it out to me. Dorothy overcame this horrible condition by using a skin cream that makes her look great.
I also suffer from bags under my eyes. Fortunately, through the power of TV, I realized I can fix this in under five minutes with a miraculous anti-bagging cream.
There also are products to help with my dexterity, hearing and eyesight.
Actually, I realize that I’d probably feel better and buy less if I just didn’t watch television.
Good thing I didn’t spend the night at Walmart.