GOLF & GIMMICKRY

Golf has a tradition—one that is peerless among all sports—for strange training aids and contraptions

Golf attracts whacky inventors. Always has. It must be because it is such a difficult sport to learn to play well for most of us, and because it is so addictive. Addiction blurs judgement, hampers reasonable decisionmaking, and there is always someone ready to press a fast buck from golf’s vulnerable army of wide-eyed game improvers.

There are people who see fortunes in the golf market but usually the reality is that fortunes are lost.

We have dug deep into the archives to find evidence of some of golf’s earliest training aids and gimmicks. They mostly look ridiculous but this is not to pretend that strange golf products belong only to a bygone era. It was Spring 2011 that Under Armour introduced a golf mouthguard. True story. Sorry Under Armour, but the marketing verbals were shameless, boasting of “jaw-dropping technology” and how this “Performance Mouthwear” was “powered by ArmourBite Technology”.

It ranks among the strangest product launches in the history of golf. Writers dutifully sat through clubhouse presentations to hear how a golf mouthguard would relieve tension by preventing teeth from clenching. Journalists were fitted with mouthguards and headed to the tee. Have you ever tried to hold a conversation while wearing a mouthguard? It’s not recommended, so between shots journalists would remove their mouthguards and walk up the fairway holding the saliva-coated item in their hand. Then they would replace the mouthguard to play a shot.

Ah, with lower teeth protected you could feel the tension just drain away. Forgive the sarcasm.

The only “power” in these $50 rubber mouthguards—yes, an indefensible $50— came when they were kicked into the trash by the third tee. Bite that.