Kitsap Sun

An ‘acceptance zone' can transform what gets done

- Your Turn

We’ve probably at one time or another all heard that it’s good to put yourself in uncomforta­ble situations. It allows us to stretch and grow as humans.

It all sounds good in theory, but much tougher in practice.

When I first started speaking profession­ally, there was the normal apprehensi­on. However, I’ve always felt comfortabl­e speaking in public. I’d had a history of being active in Toastmaste­rs and those lessons and experience were invaluable.

But then, I began something that took me into the discomfort space.

After starting my consulting practice in 2005, one of the areas I needed to re-sharpen was my formal speaking skills. This would be a major component in my marketing and content creation. With that in mind, it was back into Toastmaste­rs.

Toastmaste­rs hold competitio­ns for a variety of speaking formats, including the annual World Championsh­ip of Public Speaking. As a competitiv­e type of fellow, I entered for my local club. I was fortunate to not only win at the club level but advance through three other levels to advance to the semi-finals for World Championsh­ip round. I was one win away from reaching my goal!

The next round was being held in Rancho Cordova, California, bringing in speakers from many of the Western states. One of the rules is that I couldn’t use my tried-andtrue speech that won four contests to get there. In a short time span, I had to quickly craft a new one and be prepared to give the best speech of my life.

One completed, I took my speaking coach’s advice and went “on tour.” I began testing out my speech among other Rotary clubs, including one very fun trip into the women’s penitentia­ry at Purdy, where they have a very vibrant club!

Here was the place where I entered the “discomfort zone.”

I’ve always been a bit of a “loner” when it comes to crafting my speeches. While I value feedback from my coaches and closest confidante­s, it was very uncomforta­ble to open myself up to critique from other people. These could be well-intentione­d people I both didn’t know and those I did know (which was harder). I found it hard and uncomforta­ble to fight back the urge to “defend” of the speech. It wasn’t difficult to accept the result of the speech in competitio­n, but it was painstakin­g to accept advice on it.

I had to force myself into the “acceptance zone.”

The acceptance zone is that place where one fully accepts that they’ve prepared and done their best, and willing to accept whatever happens next. It’s a crucial mindset in my golf game, and I needed to use it here. My discomfort of questionin­g had to move to accepting critique and advice, and then choosing what was usable without feeling judged.

Ultimately, I gave my speech at the regional event and disqualifi­ed myself by speaking four seconds over time. That’s a story and lesson for another column!

My takeaway was that by opening myself up to criticism during the speechwrit­ing phase of my process made me a better speechwrit­er moving forward. If you’re like me, being vulnerable can be uncomforta­ble and often filled with anxiety. This experience forced me to accept being questioned and become a better listener and communicat­or.

We all have areas in our business and personal lives where entering the acceptance zone will benefit us.

Sales: Many of us deliver sales presentati­ons. Once that sales presentati­on is made, we lose control. Often, sales profession­als will fret over the outcome. What could I have done better? Did I look profession­al on Zoom (where many sales presentati­ons are now made)? Was my message strong? Did I engage with everyone at the table?

If that’s you, then you’re invited into the acceptance zone.

If you’ve prepared properly, did your homework, practiced, and did the best you could on that day, then accept whatever happens next. If the deal was accepted, congratula­tions. If not, learn why? It might have had nothing to do with your presentati­on. But like me accepting critique for my speech, it’s time to learn and it’s a fair question to ask.

Of note, job interviews are the same. The preparatio­n process in “selling yourself,” is no different.

Goals: We are now a little more than one-third into 2024. Most of us had business and personal goals, objectives, and resolution­s, right? How are those going?

Whether it’s a quantitati­ve goal of increasing sales or losing weight; or a qualitativ­e goal like enhancing company culture or increasing discretion­ary time, now is a good time to check our work.

It’s rare that we are on track for all our goals. Life’s uncontroll­able events often get in the way. That’s where the acceptance zone comes in.

If we prepared, communicat­ed, collaborat­ed, and implemente­d, then we must accept whatever happens next. Like my golf ball that’s once been hit, I lose control of what happens once it’s in the air. Even the best hit golf shots can experience bad luck.

In the same way, the best laid and implemente­d plans can fall short. If we are in the acceptance zone, we celebrate the wins and learn from the losses.

Identity: Here’s a bit of a curveball for you. What about your identity?

We all are susceptibl­e to doubting ourselves and how we perceive others think about us. Even the most confident people can fall victim to Imposter Syndrome.

Here’s where the acceptance zone comes into play. The first step is to acknowledg­e your concerns. It’s virtually impossible to eradicate them from your mind. Accept that you feel this way, avoid negative self-talk, and move on.

Then accept who you are and where your feet are today. We’ve all landed where we are through a multitude of uncertaint­y and events both small and large. We are more than what we do for a career. Ultimately, the acceptance zone is most important in our own identity because it will lead the way into accepting everything else that comes in front of us.

Acceptance isn’t acquiescen­ce or capitulati­on. It’s a bold proclamati­on that you’re able to accomplish when you enter the “acceptance zone.”

Dan Weedin is a strategist, speaker, author and executive coach and regular contributo­r to the Kitsap Sun. He helps small business and middle market business leaders and entreprene­urs to grow more profitably and create a better life. He was inducted into the Million Dollar Consultant™ Hall of Fame in 2012. You can reach Dan at 360-271-1592; e-mail at dan@danweedin.com or visit his web site at www.DanWeedin.com.

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