Parents drop hints for them to leave

DEAR AMY >> I'm a 27-yearold woman. My parents are very strong and religious people who are “never wrong.” They hear but do not listen.

My fiancé and I asked them if we could move in with them for financial relief while I finished school.

We both work from home and have been doing so for over a year, until he recently got fired from his job.

One of the terms of his contract was to have no background noise, because he worked exclusively over the phone.

My parents would consistently yell, laugh, and have the TV on at the loudest volume.

I asked them to please keep the volume lower. They were very defensive.

My fiancé ended up getting fired from his job, leaving me responsible for all of our finances, as well as some of my parents' bills in the household.

The company did not give a reason, but we are almost certain it was due to the noise issue.

I mentioned this to my mother. She immediately disregarded the seriousness of what I was telling her. She also said that she has the right to watch television and talk in her own home.

At no point did I ever tell them they are not allowed to watch

TV, laugh, talk, etc. I just asked that they do it at a lower volume.

I'm currently not speaking to my mother. My father is upset and is acting as if I committed a crime.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place now because we can't afford to move because we only have one income.

The job market may take a while to present an opportunity, and my parents are giving me the silent treatment.

They have yet to speak to us or even offer my fiancé an apology for getting him fired from his job.

Is there any kind of advice you may be able to offer?

— Bothered!

DEAR BOTHERED! >> My perspective is that you may have inherited your mother's defensiveness and poor communication skills, because you didn't seem able to get your folks to voluntarily cooperate with your wants and needs — which would require them to alter their behavior in their own home.

One way to do this would have been for you to say, “Look, we know this is tough. But the quieter it is for a couple of months, the harder we can work, the more money we can save, and the faster we can be out.”

It's their home. Given their own poor communication habits, you could assume that they are deliberately sending you a message: You are an adult pushing 30. Your parents really don't want to provide housing for you and your fiancé.

Like your folks, it's possible that you “hear but don't listen.”

Your fiancé should not wait for a job opportunity to present itself. He should take absolutely anything he can find (preferably outside the home), and you two should plan your exit.