Family judges woman on career choice

Dear Abby: I’m a woman who was honorably discharged from the military and am now in an electrical construction apprenticeship. I’m starting a great career in a field I love that can give me a comfortable living.

My problem is my family. Most of them are convinced that I hate men or I wish I was one. The rest are sure that I will emasculate anyone I would start dating.

I’m not a lesbian, and I like being female. I have no problem with anyone who follows different life paths. My family is basing these opinions on what I have chosen to do for work. In their opinion, because I’m in nontraditional employment for “nice young ladies,” it must be true.

I have tried to explain that what I have chosen for a living has no bearing on my gender identity or my sexual orientation. They are ignoring anything I have to say about my life and life choices. Sometimes I wonder how I’m even related to these people. If I were asked to deploy back to the war zone, I’d happily leave tomorrow, because it would be easier than dealing with the small-minded, narrow viewpoints I’m encountering here. — How Can I Make Them Listen?

Dear How: It is beyond sad that you would find returning to a war zone more appealing than dealing with the pressure you’re receiving. But please try not to blame your family for their outdated thinking. Many people are unaware that women are now being trained — and succeeding — in high-paying jobs once held only by men.

Because your relatives refuse to believe that you’re heterosexual, stop wasting your time trying to convince them. Live your life in an authentic way, and if you meet a nice man and settle down with him, they’ll realize they were mistaken.

Dear Abby: I was taught to hold doors open for women and to allow women to exit the elevator first. Problem is, in our lobby two separate glass doors must be opened to walk outside the building. If I let a woman leave the elevator first, she will have to open and hold both doors for me. But I always feel awkward if I don’t allow them out first, and I sometimes worry they think I’m rude for walking ahead. What’s the proper protocol? — A Gentleman in New York

Dear New York Gentleman: While it is polite for a man to hold a door open, it would also be considered good manners if she returns the favor if she’s the first to reach the lobby door. As to the rule of etiquette for elevators, the person at the front of the elevator should exit first, if the elevator is crowded.