Homeowners get earful from neighbor

Dear Abby: A year ago, my husband and I bought our first home together. We love it and are excited to improve the property.

One of our neighbors is an elderly woman who had previously assumed that part of our property belonged to her. Without conducting a survey, she planted several trees on our land, and they have grown to block our views. She also erected an unpermitted fence that crosses onto our property. We have since pruned and/ or removed a few of the trees.

This neighbor constantly engages us in protracted “discussions” in which she admonishes us for not having consulted her before making changes to our landscape. How do we get her to back off? — Stressed in San Francisco

Dear Stressed: You seem to be a nice couple, but it may not be possible to make nice with this neighbor who made a serious attempt to appropriate your property. When she sees you outside, be polite but “busy.”

Dear Abby: I started dating a man three months ago.

He’s a great guy and very caring. When he opened up to me recently about the trauma he received from his family while growing up, I encouraged him to seek therapy, which he has been doing.

A month ago, he began acting strangely. He was tired all the time and wouldn’t really interact with me. He comes over but only to sleep and stopped texting me as often. He said he is severely depressed, and he thinks his therapy is doing more harm than good.

I have been pouring love, care, attention and food into this guy nonstop without getting anything back. I don’t want to be yet another woman who leaves him, but I feel like I’m constantly setting myself on fire to keep this guy warm. — Doubting and guilty

Dear Doubting: Have other women left him because of his emotional problems? Your friend is exhibiting signs of severe depression. Tell him that you are concerned about his mental state. While you’re at it, suggest he consult another therapist, because this one doesn’t seem to be helping.

You did the right thing when you suggested he get help. You have only known him a short time, which is why you should not assume responsibility for his mental health. He appears to be in no position for a romance at this point, and this may not change for a long time. I do not recommend abruptly ending the friendship, but it is time to step back. You cannot fix what’s going on with him. Only he can do that with help from someone who is qualified.