Daughter wants mom to finally grow up

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have a relationship that isn’t healthy.

I was never “allowed” to be a child. For as long as I can remember, I have taken care of her because she refuses to grow up. My father wasn’t in the picture. I thought that when I grew up and moved out, she would make some lifestyle changes, but she never did. I’m constantly having to put my life on hold to cater to her needs.

She won’t keep a job, she’s an alcoholic and she has it in her mind that she’s been a great mother and now it’s her time to “live for herself.”

My fiance and I are trying to embark on a life of our own, but I can’t move ahead because I’m constantly worrying about her. I love her, but I can’t keep this up. What should I do? — Making Changes in South Carolina

DEAR MAKING CHANGES: It may take the help of a mental health professional to separate emotionally from your mother. She has not only turned you into her parent, she appears to be in denial about her parental abilities and her drinking. You cannot resolve these issues for her.

You and your fiance should absolutely start concentrating on the life you are trying to build together. This is called “emancipation,” and do not expect her to like you for doing it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I attended a party at the home of one of my co-workers. There were about 15 guests. The problem was the homeowner’s two dogs. They were allowed to roam freely during the party.

They barked each time a guest rang the doorbell and jumped on each person who entered. They hovered at people’s feet waiting for food to drop or to be given to them. The homeowner made no attempt to control the dogs.

I don’t dislike animals, but I don’t want other people’s pets jumping on my clothes, trying to lick me or getting close to my food. What would have been the polite way to ask my co-worker to put the dogs out in the garage while the guests were eating? — Likes Pets, But …

DEAR LIKES: To an animal lover, a pet is a member of the family. Your co-worker obviously saw nothing wrong with their dogs mingling with the guests. There is no polite way to ask a host to put a family member in the garage during a party. Telling your co-worker that you found the pets’ behavior disruptive may solve your problem, because they will probably omit you from future guest lists.