Dad reverses course on gift after feud

DEAR ABBY: For my 50th birthday 10 years ago, my father, with whom I have had a tumultuous relationship, gave me cherished rings as gifts. One was my grandmother’s and the other was my grandfather’s, both of whom are deceased. This was at a time when we were in a good place, and it meant the world to me that he would give them to me.

During COVID, I called Dad to check on him and my stepmom. He quickly turned the conversation to politics, things grew heated and he hung up on me. A month later, he texted me asking me to return his father’s ring. I have always gotten along with my stepmom, but now she’s on me to return it, too. She says the ring should go to my cousin “Gavin” because he is the male grandchild and that I can keep my grandmother’s ring.

My dad specifically told me years ago he didn’t want Gavin to have the rings because he had previously sold some family heirlooms he was given. Dad’s request for the ring seems more like a punishment for our argument than any sentimental feelings about his father. Am I crazy for thinking that once you give someone a gift you don’t have the right to ask for it back? — Ring of Fire in Florida

DEAR RING: Yes, once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) wishes. However, in this case, I think you should return your grandfather’s ring to your dad. How much pleasure will it give you if you keep it, knowing your father had changed his mind about giving it to you?

DEAR ABBY: While visiting a family member after the death of their loved one, I was informed that instead of grieving, they sat around and talked about me .Iwas told they claimed I hadn’t visited family members to help them grieve, when in fact, I was there every day.

I’m fed up with everyone and everything. I’m a 45-year-old woman and they have talked about me for 40 years. I have been holding on to things that caused damage to me physically and mentally. My son has been on the receiving end of this, too, and I don’t want him to go through what I have. What do I need to do? — Misunderstood in Georgia

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: I would talk to the family about what I was told and ask if it is true, because it may not be. Depending on their response, you can then decide whether to distance yourself — and your son — from them.