Truth of 15-year separation shocks dad

DEAR ABBY: I lost 15 years of my daughter’s life when her mother left the state we were living in without my knowledge. We had a boy and girl during our 15 years of marriage and had agreed to joint custody.

Once my daughter turned 10, I didn’t see her again until she was 25. When I finally located her, I realized they had moved down South. When we reunited, I learned that some of my relatives knew where my daughter was, and said nothing.

I recently went through a bout with cancer. Because my son thought I was going to die, he decided to clear his conscience. He admitted that at age 13, he told my ex to go ahead and leave the state so I couldn’t have a relationship with my daughter. I love both my kids equally, but now I feel betrayed by my son. Any suggestions? — Sad Dad in the Midwest

DEAR DAD: So your spouse used advice from her 13-year-old son to take your daughter and disappear, and even though some of your relatives knew you were searching for your child, they kept mum? I have heard of dysfunctional families, but yours takes the cake.

Although he was immature at the time, I agree it was a betrayal. Getting past this may involve many months of counseling and the help of a licensed family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I have a young adult neighbor who is a talented mechanic. He builds model autos and tries them out up and down our street. His latest is a threewheel motorcycle, which he drives in the wrong direction, without a helmet. He also revs its motor constantly. I’m worried our street will become a hangout for more motorcycle enthusiasts.

I’m also concerned that if I ask him to stop, he’ll get angry. It’s worse now because the noise is distracting, and he repeatedly passes my home. What would be a good neighborly response to this? — Irritated in Missouri

DEAR IRRITATED: Ask your other neighbors if they, too, are bothered by the noise. If the answer is yes, then approach the young man as a group and explain that the noise when he revs his engine is distracting, and it would be appreciated if he didn’t do it in the area of your homes.

If this doesn’t remedy the problem, check the noise ordinances in your community to see if he is violating any of them. (The answer could be as simple as the young man installing a muffler on his bike.)