Down aisle, into life, hand in loving hand

In the photograph are a man and woman, embracing in the bright spring sunshine of a park. They are liplocked. He’s standing. She’s dangling. She’s short and he’s tall, so he just hoists her to the ethersphere to put her lips on par with his own.

She’s walking on air. Figuratively and literally.

Young lovers, abandoning themselves to a moment of joy, wonder and mystery. They are engaged to be married. If you can behold this photograph and not be moved, then you are some combination of embalmed and embittered.

Sometimes you receive the announcement of an engagement by phone call. Other times in the post, or with an email or on Facebook. Me? I received this announcement at 12:30 a.m. when my bedroom light suddenly yanked me from a dead sleep to find this happy couple grinning over my bed, thrusting an engagement ring on a glowing hand into my face.

The man is my son. The woman will be his wife. The first time I met her, I told a friend, “I’m pretty sure I just met the woman who will hand me my first grandchild.” I guess we’ll see. What can I say to them? I can’t say much more than the words of my faith’s liturgy:

The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God. (The Book of Common Prayer)

I might also say what I often say when presiding at weddings:

Look at you! You, good woman, standing here all aglow in a wedding gown. You, good man, looking grand in a tuxedo. Look at you! Yet, oddly enough, this wedding day isn’t about you. It’s about your Maker. It’s about all of us. See, if this marriage thrives, we all thrive. If this marriage suffers, then we all in some way suffer. The world has a stake in what happens here. Marriage is witness to hope. Marriage is vocation.

It’s a beautiful thing to stand in the presence of a couple’s love, fidelity and mutual respect. Thriving marriages pour light into the world. Great love affairs inspire us. Conversely, it’s a troubling thing to be in the company of a troubled marriage. It’s draining to

Gift to each other, gift to others

witness a couple’s scorn and belittling antipathy.

This is true not only for young newlyweds.

I head to my car when voices call my name. I turn to see that same light of hope and joy, this time witnessed by long-married veterans in the work of great love. These two are celebrating after a difficult journey. They had parked the Winnebago of their marriage about as close to the cliff’s edge as you can, one tire hanging over the edge. Until somehow, some way, they both changed their mind. (What are we doing? What am I doing?)

They faced their fears of nakedness and vulnerability. They accounted for damage done. They chewed and swallowed large helpings of pride. They stopped confronting each other and confronted themselves.

They each set about the work of their own selfhood. They hunched over the task of love with earnestness and gladness.

The Winnebago is now parked again on solid and happy ground.

Sometimes “ugly” has to happen before we reawaken to what is beautiful. To what really matters.

And now these heroes stand before me, and I see exactly what I see in the photograph of my son and soon-to-be daughter-in-law. And I’m inspired. I’m filled with hope and renewal. As I would stand beholding a spectacular sunrise, or be humbled and grateful at the rim of the Grand Canyon, I have no words to thank them for their heroism.

They have not merely blessed themselves. They have blessed all of us. The gift given was not only to themselves. They gave all of us a gift.

Yes, that’s what I would say to the two lovers in the photograph. You have been given an unmerited gift … so that you might be a gift to the world.

This is your calling. This is your stewardship. Go well.

Make their life together a sign of God’s love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair. Amen. Steven KAlAs is A behAviorAl heAlth consultAnt And counselor At LAs VegAs PsychiAtry And the Author of “HumAn MAtters: Wise And Witty Counsel on RelAtionships, PArenting, Grief And Doing the Right Thing” (Stephens Press). His columns AppeAr on SundAys. ContAct him At 702-227-4165 or skAlAs@ reviewjournAl.com.-