Random acts of kindness can miss mark

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My very dear aunt has a hobby of making homemade greeting cards that she sends to some of her friends and family. The cards are usually very nice, but she doesn’t really make enough of them to make selling them online very worthwhile. She sends a bunch to Operation Write Home, but she still ends up with more cards than she knows what to do with.

I suggested that she could send them to random people in the phone book and make their day (who doesn’t want to get something nice in the mail that’s not a bill?), but she thinks it would be creepy. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That if you want to prescribe (or practice) what are known as random acts of kindness, you show a bit more consideration for the targeted recipients.

If you received a greeting card from a stranger, or an unsigned one, would you really go all glowy with the thought that there is a greater supply out there of human kindness, and that you are fortunate to have been touched by it?

That might describe the reaction of those who find that their toll or drinks have been paid anonymously. But Miss Manners can think of far more likely reactions to a randomly sent card:

■ That it is an advertisement, not worth the attention to try to discover for what.

■ That it was misdirected, and the intended recipient will have been cheated of whatever pleasure it might have brought.

■ “Why can’t I remember who this person is? How am I supposed to reciprocate when I can’t figure out who this is? Someone’s trying to be nice to me, and I’m going to come off as rude.”

Therefore, Miss Manners would consider it a randomly distributed favor for you to spare these people, and to suggest to your aunt that she find additional charities that would be grateful to receive cards for their clients to use.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If someone at the table asks for the butter, do you hand them the butter and the butter knife? Like how salt and pepper get handed together?

GENTLE READER: Even more so. The custom of passing the salt and pepper together (besides the fact that they are a close couple) presumes that both may be wanted, even if only one was requested.

But Miss Manners asks you to picture the plight of the diner who has the butter but no butter knife. The only person looking more foolish would be the one who is holding the orphaned butter knife.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am about to send out housewarming invitations, and I’m having an issue as to whether I should include registry information.

I know that normally this is tacky, but my engagement party never happened thanks to Superstorm Sandy. I planned my wedding in two weeks to make sure my dad could walk me down the aisle before starting his second round of chemo. I never had a shower.

GENTLE READER: If anything is tackier than instructing your guests to do your shopping at their expense, it is tallying up your missed opportunities to do so. Miss Manners is sorry for your past misfortunes, but please do not ask others to compensate you. Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail.com.