Caddish remark merits cold reply
After a cold “Thank you for your opinion,” the lady should walk away.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am curious to find out what would be the most acceptable and polite answer in this situation: A man (stranger) feels that a woman’s dress is indecent and comes up to this woman inside a venue to tell her directly that she needs a change of clothes because she’s not appropriately dressed for the event.
Since they haven’t met before, how should she respond to such a brash and confrontational statement?
GENTLE READER: If you intend to be the critic in this situation, Miss Manners can assure you that the response will not be one of gratitude or contrition. It may even require a towel if the lady in question is holding a full glass. She urges you to rethink your plans.
If you are, instead, what can reasonably be termed the victim, she asks only for restraint — while acknowledging that the behavior is a gross insult, which does not require a nuanced response. After a cold “Thank you for your opinion,” the lady should walk away. What a woman who is not a lady might do, Miss Manners does not know.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two days after my town lost three teenagers to a tragic car accident, a community member began selling memorial T-shirts that were donated by a local family in the T-shirt business. All proceeds are to be given to the families to help with final expenses.
On the front of the T-shirt is an “inspirational” message, and the back has the names of the three children with their birth dates and the date of the accident.
I think their hearts are in the right places but, to me, it seems to trivialize and cheapen the memories of these children.
When I suggested that perhaps donations should be sought to provide a more lasting tribute than a T-shirt, I was accused of “starting drama.” I was trying to think of how I would feel as a mother if next year someone is washing his car with that T-shirt or dropping it off to charity.
I suggested that a tree planting with a small plaque or a small monument at the school the three children attended would be more lasting, and was surprised by the nasty responses I received for not supporting the T-shirt sale.
I don’t want to further hurt an already grieving community, but am I wrong in thinking that a “T-shirt memorial” is cheap and tasteless?
GENTLE READER: No good comes of a competition over whose memorial is the most fitting or whose flower arrangement is the best. Funeral etiquette recognizes a hierarchy of grief, and while your community may be grieving for the loss, Miss Manners reminds you that it is the feelings of the principal mourners — the immediate families — that take precedence. How would you, as a mother, feel watching others argue over the tastefulness — or tastelessness — of the arrangements? Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail.com.