Call comes in, frustration comes out

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I are in our 40s, and we have been dating for several years. Although we officially maintain separate residences, we have an arrangement that I stay over at his place on the weekend.

My boyfriend’s sister, who lives in a time zone a few hours earlier, tends to call after 11 p.m. a few times a week. I do not think there is anything wrong with this when I am not staying over, as the only person this would bother would be my boyfriend, and he doesn’t mind the late calls.

However, when I am staying over, a late call does bother me — I am either in bed already, or close to it, and trying to wind down. I have raised this with my boyfriend, trying to explain that late phone calls are typically for emergencies, and he just says that’s the time that works for his sister and that’s how it works in his family.

Because I am only a guest, are the late phone calls something that I need to just put up with, or as a regular (and somewhat important) guest, can I ask that he gently ask his sister not to call so late on weekends (or he should arrange that he will call her)?

GENTLE READER: It would not be unreasonable to suggest that your boyfriend initiate the call in another room — or put his phone on vibrate.

Or you could ask to say hello to her, which would alert them both to the necessity of finding a better time to talk privately.

However, Miss Manners would strongly advise you not to use this as an opportunity to assert your importance or otherwise get in the middle of what works between siblings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law is strongly curious about my jewelry. She is not content to leave the gems where they lie upon my bosom or earlobes.

She demands to inspect the gold, which is from a different part of the world than she is. I have some Thai gold that I enjoy wearing. She grew up in an area where gold takes a back seat to the stones seated therein.

I have tried discouraging her from putting her fingers near my eyes or anywhere on my body, telling her, “It’s the same jewelry I always wear.”

She wants me to remove each piece and let her hold it, which has been disastrous, as her failing grip makes her unsteady during each visit.

What can I do to redirect her childlike demands to hold my jewelry? I’m tempted to tell her it’s costume if that would get her fingers away from me!

GENTLE READER: It sounds as if that would hardly discourage her. You are wise not to wear pearls around her, as she might try to bite them to see if they are real.

If not wearing jewelry around your mother-in-law is not an option, then Miss Manners suggests practicing screaming in surprise as her fingers approach and then apologizing profusely at the mistake while you deftly change the subject — and your proximity to her. Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail.com.