Learn to live with your relatives if you can’t turn them in
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Thanksgiving Day, 15 for dinner. Everyone wants to bring something, so a “want list” is made and guests sign names to what they will bring.
One guest asks to bring two main vegetable dishes and is told that the dishes are already taken by another guest. She says that she is bringing one of the dishes anyway because her kids (all adult) like it. She asks to bring the other dish and is told no.
This guest is in charge of all the appetizers because they were the only items left — she waited until the day before Thanksgiving to look at the list. This guest is also notoriously late so I (and I know that it is rude) asked her to come on time because there would be no other food for the guests until dinner.
Ten minutes after she was expected, she called and said that she would be a little late but she was sending her daughter with the appetizers. Her daughter arrived, but with only a few items and was missing crackers and dip for a veggie platter.
An hour and half late, she arrived with the missing appetizers and began to put them out. I asked her not to, because we were preparing food for the table, and she put them away but acted like I had a vendetta against her. The front door opens, and the two dishes that she was requested not to bring were brought in and put on the dining table.
This behavior has happened on and off over the years, but I thought that the signup list and telling her no would be adequate.
How can you ensure that your guests (relatives) will be respectful of your meal, respectful of the work and planning of a meal, and respectful of me as a hostess? Any hints?
GENTLE READER: If clear instructions don’t work, hints are not likely to help. The best solution would be to trade in this crowd for a more reliable set.
Failing that, you should get to know the ones you have. You know that Irma is always late, so you don’t trust her with the hors d’oeuvres or anything else essential to the meal. — Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail.com.