Criticizing husband may end friendship

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with “Martha” for 40 years. We live a few hundred miles apart, so I like to call her. The problem is, her husband always answers the phone and likes to give me a hard time.

When I identify myself and ask to speak to Martha, he says he doesn’t know anyone by my name, or there’s no Martha living there. Once he told Martha to ask me how my ex-husband was. (I have not seen my ex for 40 years.)

The last time it happened, I told Martha she should call me from now on. She said he was just trying to be funny. I haven’t heard from her since. Should I apologize? — Problem Husband in Florida

DEAR PROBLEM: Martha’s husband doesn’t strike me as witty. I can understand how someone would become annoyed. I don’t think you owe Martha an apology. Because you left the ball in her court, it’s possible that, since you did all the work staying in touch, your 40-year friendship was not as close as you assumed.

DEAR ABBY: A friend and I belong to a book club and have regularly gone to lunch and a movie afterward. We have occasionally mentioned a movie we liked while chatting prior to the start of the book club meeting. This has prompted other people to invite themselves along or ask if they can go with us.

If we wanted to spend more time with these women, we would have invited them.

The two of us feel that this afternoon outing is OUR time together. We changed the day, which was a bit inconvenient but preferable to the alternative. How do we handle it when future inquiries come up? — Our Time Together

DEAR OUR TIME: Your mistake was in talking about your movie dates in front of the other women. In the future, handle it by refraining from doing that.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We have both been married before. I don’t know how to respond to his friends and family when they talk to me about his first wife. They tell story after story, and it makes me uncomfortable. I feel disrespected but smile politely. Any thoughts? — Girlfriend in New Jersey

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: Iam sure no one does it to make you uncomfortable or disrespect you. How you respond would depend upon whether your boyfriend’s marriage ended in death or divorce.

If his former wife is deceased, a way to change the subject might be to say, “It sounds like she was a wonderful (mother, daughter, woman).” However, if the marriage ended in divorce, all you need to say is that you’d rather focus on the present.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.