Little lies put marriage in big trouble

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 22 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, and separated for three months back in 2008, but we went to marriage counseling and got back together.

I have recently realized my husband is an accomplished liar. To top it off, he lies about stupid things, which makes me wonder what important things he’s lying about. When I express my feelings about this, he swears he will never lie again — and damn if I don’t catch him again! Is this marriage doomed? — Untrusting in Maryland

DEAR UNTRUSTING: Successful marriages are based on trust and communication. Yours is in serious trouble.

Most people who lie are trying to make themselves look better or are not proud of what they are attempting to cover up. However, those who lie about “stupid” things may be compulsive liars. If your spouse falls into this category, a mental health professional may be able to help.

DEAR ABBY: My elderly mother, my daughter, her boyfriend and I are planning a trip to Las Vegas. Because of the costs , we are considering sharing a room with two queen beds. The plan would be for me and my mother to share one bed, and my daughter and her boyfriend to share the other.

My wife thinks this is weird. I explained that it will be a queen bed, and I don’t understand why she thinks it is strange. This will save us around $1,000. What do you think? — Ralph in Ohio

DEAR RALPH: Is saving money more important than privacy, comfort and propriety? Your wife may have been thinking along those lines when she suggested the “boys” sleep with the boys and the “girls” sleep together. I’d have to know what your daughter, her boyfriend and your mother think, because unless you all agree, it might make more sense to request a cot or bring an air mattress.

P.S. If one of you gets lucky in Vegas, maybe you can afford a second room.

DEAR ABBY: After years of nagging about thank-you notes, I’m encouraging my younger family members to acknowledge gifts: We have the child create a big thankyou note or draw a picture, hold it with a big smile along with the gift and take a photo, which we send electronically.

We made a rule that they can’t play with the gift until the thank-you is done. It’s fun and immediate. They usually get a quick note of appreciation back, and the giver gets a keepsake of the occasion. — New Age Grandma

DEAR GRANDMA: That’s a wonderful idea, because it requires SOME effort on the part of the little ones.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.