Waiting awkwardly to join conversation

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When it comes to parties and other “mingling” situations, are there rules for how to divide your attention among fellow guests?

I’m not the most patient person, but I find it annoying when I have something specific to ask someone and am left standing by while they chat for 10 minutes or more.

Is there a polite way to break in, especially if what you have to say can be dealt with in a couple of seconds? And is there a polite way to wait your turn?

And for those on the “deep in conversation” end, what would be a reasonable length of time to keep the “next person” waiting?

GENTLE READER: The length (and depth) of conversations are in direct proportion to the speed with which one can make a polite getaway.

Thus the conversations you describe are out of place in an event designed to encourage quick mingling.

At a seated dinner, half the meal can be spent speaking to the person on your right before switching to the person on your left, so conversation is expected to be lengthier than at a cocktail party, where the idea is to make multiple contacts that may be followed up later.

In either situation, a desire to join the conversation is signaled by an attentive expression, followed up with more active participation in the subject matter. The current speaker acknowledges the new person, and then draws the newcomer in at the earliest opportunity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter has booked a venue, purchased a dress and chosen attendants for her wedding. The bridesmaids have purchased their dresses and threw an early bachelorette party.

The couple has now decided to get legally married soon (for insurance reasons, etc.), and are considering canceling the gala. There will be obvious financial hits, but the big question is: What is proper etiquette for the bridesmaids? The bride has already purchased lovely bridesmaid gifts. Should she plan a dinner and present the gifts?

GENTLE READER: Uninviting one guest would be unmannerly. Miss Manners is unable to contemplate uninviting an entire wedding party.

She understands, or perhaps merely hopes, that the invitation in question is not the engraved one to attendees, but rather the implicit invitation when the attendants were asked to participate. Separating the legal and formal wedding is common, and should not be used to justify the contemplated rudeness.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.