Smash the patriarchy; keep the privacy
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a female graduate student in a male-dominated field. While I feel that women are respected, for the most part, at my school, there is a strong bias in hiring and a visible minority of openly sexist students.
A few months ago, I had a particularly painful period, and was faint and nauseated for most of the day. Because it was the first day of class, I went, though I could not concentrate through the pain. After 40 or so minutes, Ifeltthatiwasontheverge of vomiting and left in a hurry. I returned to collect my things after class had ended but was still feeling so shaky that I didn’t speak to the professor, who was busy with others. I sent an email later that day in which I briefly apologized for leaving class, pleading a migraine.
Later, commiserating with asmallgroupoffriendsover text, I told the embarrassing story. For the next 24 hours, I was berated for propping up the patriarchy by not marching up to my profes- sor and telling him I was bleeding and would see him next week.
I was also lambasted for myinsensitivitytothosedisabled by migraines but not taken seriously because of all the people who fake headaches to get out of things.
I think it’s entirely my own business. What do you think?
GENTLE READER: What would you expect a professor, male or female, to reply to that graphic announcement? “Congratulations”? “Should I call an ambulance?”
Many people, like your bullying friends, now believethatshameistheonly reason for desiring privacy, and that if everything were out in the open, it would all be approved. They discount your valid feeling that you shouldbeabletochoosethe degree of intimacy that you wantindifferentrelation- ships.
But they are also missing an important political point, which Miss Manners would think obvious to anyone who reads comments on social media: namely, that it isanaivefantasythattotal openness necessarily produces acceptance.
Whywouldyouwantto supply them with an alert to judgeyouremotionalorrational state at any given time?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We dine at casual eateries periodically with certain friends.oneofthemhabitually excuses herself by announcing, “I need to go potty.”
This has progressed from embarrassing to simply annoying. What is the proper thing to say?
GENTLE READER: “Do you need help?” (Miss Manners is assuming that your friend has just completed toilet training.)
Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.