Casual use of dead child’s name improper

DEAR ABBY: I come from a small, close family. Last year, my cousin and her two children were killed in a car accident.

Fast forward: Another cousin is pregnant with her second child. She wants to name her daughter “Daisy” because she wants all her children to have flower-themed names. “Daisy” is the name of one of the children who died. I, and others in the family, are upset because her reason for choosing the name has nothing to do with honoring our lost family member.

I understand no one “owns” a baby name, but I am having trouble getting past the fact that I’ll see this child at family gatherings and have to call her by my dead cousin’s name for no reason other than it was a cute flower name.

My cousin is set on using this name despite family protests, and I can’t help but foresee bitterness. What, if anything, can we do to make this situation more positive? — Name Game in New York

DEAR NAME GAME: Your cousin appears to have the empathy of a garden snail. Did it occur to anyone to suggest there are other flower names besides Daisy — Dalia, Daphne or even Desert Rose? If you haven’t, please do before the baby arrives.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 22 years. My grown children, three boys, have always just tolerated him. They say he talks too much, doesn’t listen and still treats the younger two like children. I know he can be overbearing.

They have now ganged up and will no longer allow the grandchildren to come stay with me. They say my husband is too harsh in correcting them, which isn’t true. The only time he is loud and fast to correct is if the parents aren’t here to do it.

Two have expressed to my husband how they feel. My husband is trying to acknowledge their feelings and wants to do better. How do we proceed as a family? I’m afraid they will withhold the grands each time they disagree with us. — Hurting Heart in South Carolina

DEAR HURTING HEART: Look at this from your sons’ perspective. When they hear from your grandchildren that your grouchy (but well-meaning) husband yelled at them, as parents, their instinct is to protect their kids.

I can’t guarantee that your sons won’t use emotional blackmail in the future, but I can offer two suggestions: Your husband should take a deep breath and count to 10 before he reacts, and he should defer the discipline to Grandma. And if that isn’t enough to satisfy your sons, then you will have to visit them instead of having them visit you.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.