Can happy-hour attendance be required?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering what is the business etiquette around requiring employees to attend out-of-office events.

My husband is expected to attend a monthly happy hour with the people in his department — all of whom happen to be female. Spouses are never included (and weren’t included in an after-hours holiday celebration). I wonder if the boss thinks this is appropriate because she holds it during the later afternoon, and people are generally allowed to leave between 6 and 7 p.m.

What was once a “girls’ night out” is no longer such a thing, now that there’s a male in the department. I’ve never met the boss, but I can’t imagine this is proper etiquette. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: The issue is not that the event takes place outside the office, but rather the confusion — on the parts of your husband, his boss and yourself — about whether the event is social or professional. Professional events generally occur during work hours. Social events do not require permission to leave. Professional events are usually gender-neutral. Social events tend not to be.

Your husband’s boss is not following proper business etiquette. But this confusion is so common that she may not even realize she is abusing her authority. Rather than confront her, a safer solution would be for your husband to attend the portion of the event that runs until the close of business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a Catholic priest for nearly 25 years. In years past, when performing a wedding, I would nearly always receive an invitation to the ceremony and reception. For the past few years, this no longer seems to be the custom. I know when the wedding will be celebrated, but I have no idea where the reception will be held.

I do not presume or expect an invitation, but at nearly every rehearsal, or immediately before or after the service, a parent will ask if I am coming to the reception.

If I say I wasn’t invited, I will make them feel bad. But I don’t want to lie. Would you please suggest a response?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette calls for … misdirection: “I am so sorry not to be able to attend, but there are so many calls for my services this time of year.”

Miss Manners trusts such a response is literally true, and looks to you to determine that there is no sin in so responding. She takes comfort in realizing such an answer is the lesser of possible evils.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.