Lgbt-friendly ‘family’ can be adopted
DEAR ABBY: I’m a transgender male who has grown up in an area where many people discourage such things. My parents are against anything different.
I have already gone through top surgery, but they don’t know about it. What they do know is that I am bisexual. How do I tell them that I am male? — Sinful Child
DEAR “SINFUL” CHILD: Why do you want to make an announcement? If you feel you must say something, say that you have discovered your true self, which is male, and that you are happier now than you have ever been.
After you do that you will be free. You can then start building a family made up of people who are understanding and accepting, which will be healthier for you than the one you were born into.
DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have been estranged for many years for multiple reasons. She has bad-mouthed me in emails to other relatives, then denied having done it; invited my ex-husband to family birthday parties knowing I wouldn’t show up if he was there; and gone months, sometimes years, without speaking to me over perceived slights.
I continue being urged by other family members to “be the bigger person,” not give up and “just keep trying.” I married recently and invited her to the wedding. She texted 48 hours beforehand to indicate she would not be there. I’m wondering, is it OK to stop trying now? I mean, how much of this should one person be forced to take? — Just About Done Trying
DEAR JUST ABOUT DONE: I see nothing to be gained by continuing to tolerate your mother’s passive aggression. If you are asking for my permission to stop doing all the work in the relationship, I am pleased to give it to you now.
DEAR ABBY: I have socialized with a group of women for 20 years. Our connection has always been our children. Now the children are grown and gone, and one woman in our group keeps trying to include spouses each time we get together.
My husband works long hours. He doesn’t enjoy being with these men, and he doesn’t want to go on these outings. I’d prefer these events stay girlfriends-only. I have gone solo a few times and stayed away a few times. But my friends are commenting now, and I feel stuck and uncomfortable. Do you have any suggestions? — No Fan in Minnesota
DEAR NO FAN: Yes, be honest. Level with your women friends and say you prefer socializing with them without the husbands. You are entitled to your feelings, and you do not have to elaborate.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.