Pregnancy questions are a mine field

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I was sent a photo of a very pregnant niece who was due in two days. The photo was shot over her head. I asked her mother if her daughter was having twins.

My sister said I was rude. I thought I was asking an honest question. Who is right?

GENTLE READER: Questions about pregnancy — both if and how much — are never a good idea. The penalty and embarrassment for guessing wrong, Miss Manners finds, is just too great a risk. It was still impolite of her, but if she saved you from saying it directly to your niece, then she was not wrong about the sentiment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Most of my friends are better off than I am but have nearly always generously insisted on paying for me when we go out.

While I have made up my mind to no longer go out unless I can pay for myself, something has happened that both increased my resolve and caused me to wonder about my obligations.

A few months ago, a friend of mine asked me to watch her dog and residence for her while she went out of town for a week. I’ve done this before for her and others, and she did offer to pay. I begged off this time because I had just returned home from a month of doing just that for two other families.

I’ve come to find out that she is very upset with me, thinking that because of the many times she has paid for me in the past, I owe her this sort of thing, and that I should probably be offering to do it for free. Moreover, she feels that because I am so often strapped for cash, I should be grabbing every job I can.

I have always thanked my friends, in person and with notes, for their generosity. I budget each year for birthday and Christmas gifts for them, and try to squeeze in an extra gift when I can, even if only homemade ones.

When I can pay for myself, I do. I have occasionally been fortunate enough to treat them to a movie and did so happily.

In short, I try to reciprocate. I don’t believe that I am obligated to be her dog sitter whenever she needs one, but maybe I am wrong. Should I be doing more?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners agrees that your friends’ generosity, however frequent, hardly counts if it comes with demands attached. And certainly does not constitute you being an on-call dog sitter, house watcher, future au pair or indentured servant. She commends you for ceasing to accept such questionable charity.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.