Don’t be so available when friend calls
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been friends with “Lorraine” for 30 years. Actually, the friendship is kind of one-sided because she bugs me.
She’s a super-skinny health nut who constantly posts health advice and “uplifting” mantras on social media. Her Instagram feed is filled with pictures of her bland-looking vegan food and her doing yoga poses or running 5Ks in midriff tops so we can all see her six-pack abs. She regularly donates blood plasma and posts pictures of that, too.
Dining with her is embarrassing because she grills waiters on how the food is prepared, even in vegan restaurants that list all ingredients.
She’s been married twice to jerks, keeps breaking and making up with “Harry” because he’s fat (he’s slightly plump yet attractive) and drinks too much (not sure about that).
I’m not perfect (I know I’m lazy, impatient and drink too much), but I don’t portray myself as otherwise. My husband, a nicer person than
I am, doesn’t understand my resentment of Lorraine and keeps reminding me how much she loves me. She does. We’re both in our 50s, but I feel like I’ve outgrown our friendship.
Must I stay friends with Lorraine? If not, how do I end it? — Canceling Her in Kansas City
DEAR CANCELING: Itappears you have a love/hate relationship with Lorraine. Nothing is wrong with you, and no law says you must maintain a friendship with her. When contact becomes more of an annoyance than a pleasure, many people begin editing their circle of acquaintances. The way to end your relationship with her would be to make yourself less available when she calls or wants to get together.
DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away three years ago after 43 years of marriage.
I met a widower who was also married for 43 years. His wife passed five years ago.
My grown children and grandchildren refuse to accept him. My therapist and psychiatrist tell me to stand my ground because I’m in love with him, as he is with me. Even my priest, who officiated at my husband’s funeral, said I should consider this relationship as heaven-sent.
We are in love, and although I love my family, I don’t think they have the right to gang up against me. — Devastated Mother
DEAR DEVASTATED: You say this isn’t how your family is. Open your eyes; is exactly how they are. The psychiatrist and the therapist are giving you good advice, as is as your priest. My take: Get onwithit.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.