Husband too wrapped up in his issues

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 30 years. He has always been self-centered. We have discussed this over the years, and it hasn’t changed his disposition. I bought him an “It’s All About Me” coffee cup years ago as a joke, and he enjoys using it!

We both have office jobs and day-to-day issues and problems with our employees and co-workers. If we talk on the phone at lunch or over dinner, he describes his daily issues in excruciating detail. There is never a time I can update him on my issues.

He cares deeply about our adult children, but doesn’t give them input on their issues either. If I don’t remind him about the challenges (i.e., buying a new car, looking for a new job, etc.) they want our advice on, he would never reach out to them to assist. I am not sure if this is a personality trait I must live with or if you have some ideas to improve this situation. — All About Him

DEAR ALL ABOUT HIM: Has it occurred to you that in some areas your husband may be less self-centered than an empty vessel? He may not help you with your daily issues because he doesn’t have the answers.

Assuming you have talked to him about this until you are blue in the face, the next time he asks for your input, you might consider being less helpful. Or, beat him to the punch and tell him about your problems before he has a chance to tell you the ones he is having.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend I’ve known for 25 years and I consider to be family. We recently had a falling-out because I set some boundaries I feel are necessary for my own wellness as I grow into my 40s.

My friend is gay and excuses the disrespect as the way his community speaks among themselves. He often calls me the b-word in fun, as well as similar names. I have told him it hurts me, but he refuses to acknowledge it.

I am now a single mother, looking to grow and evolve into a better person, but my friend keeps pulling me back into a dark place. What can I do? — Boundaries Set in California

DEAR BOUNDARIES: You have already taken the first step. You told your friend (frenemy?) you will no longer tolerate being called a b**** or any other offensive name. For some in the gay community this may be considered “fun,” but it isn’t funny to you. That he would continue doing this after you expressed that it hurt your feelings makes me wonder if he values your relationship as much as you do.

Maintain your boundaries by leaving if he uses that language.